A Perfected World

2011-03-30T01:07:00.002+08:00

I hate to admit it but it has proven true.

Maybe the years of living in a self-contained lie,
has manifested itself out of the box.

It's finally going to eat me alive.

So what do you do when you realize that you've given your heart away.
But masked in selfish desires & perceived realities,
You never knew how deep you went & how hard you will fall.

Ever heard of the "Blue Hole"?
Divers are known to have died trying to conquer this wonder.
They dive not knowing how deep they've gone
Till they delve into the abyss of their death.

Alright now. Melodrama doesn't get one anywher.

Time for big smiles, rainbows and butterflies.

If only you knew how much this bugged me.
Selfishly so.

And on another note.
I.NEED.SPACE.
But how do you say this w/o breaking a heart. :(
When all she wants is to be close to you.
After 17 years...
Guess it's kinda hard to go down this road.

Float On.
We will all float on alright...

2011-03-27T13:28:00.003+08:00

What do you do when you suddenly feel stuck.
When you feel the workings of life's mundane creep it's way into your blood & run through your veins?
Destroying any possible tread of inspirations & create a self that devoid of any form of excitement.

What does it mean when you feel life is slipping away, a day at a time.

But then I turn to rollercoaster rides.
You'll never feel more alive!
No control. Surrendered. Suspended.
Loops, drops, turns, "Look Ma! No Hands!"
And in that 1.5 min. You are alive!
But it's only a 1.5.

And then...

What do you do when you suddenly feel stuck?

It's been awhile...

2010-09-16T23:10:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time.

Haven't felt like writing in months.
But today, someone gave me the perfect words.
"Dream The World"
And i just had to pen it down
because i want to look back again one day,
and remember.

It's been a whirlwind.
Far too many things, they passed me by.
She is gone. She is here.
He is here. He is gone.
Don't really know what to make of it now.
You know when they say that life is full of moments?

While you really want to be stuck in some.
There are others you wish you could just forget. Forever.

Wishes. Hopes. Dreams. Fantasies.
They are so real. You can almost touch it.
Touch. That was all there was to it.

It's funny how darkness is always more tempting than the light.
Too dangerous.

I really miss you.
And trust me, i miss you too.

Random...

2009-08-11T23:41:00.000+08:00

Thoughts.
That only you can fill. :)

What's left from yesterday...

2009-07-19T22:33:00.004+08:00

It's been months since i last blogged.
You mean there is nothing more to say?!?
OH (HOLY) CRAP!

Ok...figured i might as well get it started again.
A small little (cyber)space for daily ramblings & thoughts.

So it's been 2 months since i 1st stepped into the new office.
Learning to juggle.
Hoping that it'll get easier in due time.
It's been cool. :)
Busily cool.

If only i wasn't so like my dad.
I feel it running through my veins and much as i hate it i can't help how i feel.
Why didn't i get that from the mom.
It is so evident. In your f***ing face!
She knows. And i am sure she does too. :(

When you are wearing what is leftover from yesterday.
*sniff sniff - and then a smile*

Sometimes i really wish we had more time.
If only every single time was not just '5 minutes'
We no longer have the luxury of seeing daylight together.
Maybe it's time to have a whole day to ourselves.
With nothing else in between.
When will that day come?
Why is it that we are always so bogged down by obligations.
Then again...there is always a choice.

I made a choice.
100% it goes.
There's this point of no return.

Please someone remind me how to make a decision again.

And how i long to be sleeping with my '5 minutes'.

Table inspiration..

2009-04-08T18:52:00.003+08:00

Can you say WOW!
No...i take that back. Can you say
"RUBY RUBY RUBY RUBYYYYY!"

Kaiser Chiefs were f***ing rad!
(and yes...the mike swinging stunt was awesomeee!)
Pity neither of us had a damn camera (AGAIN!)
Didn't bring one for STARS, didn't bring one for Jason Mraz,
didn't bring one for Prodigy, didn't bring one for Oasis.
What in the name...RAWR!

But anyhoo...here's a great live recording of
"Love's not a competition (but i'm winning)!"
WOOOOOOTTT!

And Craig David's tonight. Hahaha.
Insomnia anyone?

Speaking of which, it all feels too surreal at this point.
And it is nothing short of stressful.
But what the hell. Just throw it my way.
I am in for the ride of my life!

And a fateful meeting with a close friend today
brought to the table (literally! since it was over lunch...hahaha)
a sudden surge of inspiration to life.
Thank you. :)

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!” ~Rocky Balboa~

Hit it!
"RUBY RUBY RUBY RUBYYYYYYY"

Shit happens...it's just ROCK & ROLL!

2009-03-25T20:05:00.005+08:00

Shit happens...it's just ROCK & ROLL!

And it really couldn't have been at a worse time.
Was looking forward to ending the season with a BANG.
Well...it did. But what a COLD & traumatic experience.

But then again. People forget.
Memories are all so pathetically short-term.
After awhile, new toys are found & old ones thrown away.
Most importantly, go back to basic...
NOBODY DIED!

The dust settles.

Time not to repeat a record of not eating for 36hrs.

"Even the best falls down sometime.
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme."
Howie Day was right! If even the best can fall.
What more us mere humans.

I guess what you can really take away from every fall are lessons learnt.
And really really great friends found.
It's true what they say...
In times of need, you see who truly gives a shit.
(thanks for all the support, phonecalls, emails & sms).

The past may come back to bite you sometimes,
but then it may also bring you pleasant surprises. ;)

And for all of you out there talking shit.
Don't need to know who or what or why.
I wish you a good life.

Back from Jupiter...

2009-03-10T16:32:00.003+08:00

It's been long long while.
And loads of people have been asking why haven't i blogged.
Well...let's just say beside being busy, i kinda lost my muse.
Nothing was very inspiring, much less blog-worthy.

Then again, i kinda forgot that words were the window to the soul.
And perhaps, i lost a little bit of that along the way.
Now i'm back.
*humbled in silence of the empty room*

Was moved by words of a certain Mr. A to Z.
(whom i might add is the best live performer i've ever seen)

"And i'm gonna go out there and take today ON.
I say day "Whatcha Got?" How many gifts will i recieve?
I find it is important to be aware everyday not just of the mundane,
and of the routine, but just place our attention on the sunshine,
and the collective energy and chorizos or bikinis!
You choose your adventures day after day..."
~J.Mraz - 23.03.08 @ Point Nepean~

Loneliness is inherent

2008-10-20T10:52:00.002+08:00

"Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all?
Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning,
looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves.
Why?
Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?"
— Haruki Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart)

Frustrations of being selfish...

2008-10-13T21:02:00.001+08:00

It's right what they say...
There's always another way to look at it.

Away.

Reality bites...

2008-10-10T09:45:00.006+08:00

"Narrow minds devoid of imagination. Intolerance, theories cut off from reality, empty terminology, usurped ideals, inflexible systems. Those are the things that really frighten me. What I absolutely fear and loathe."
— Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

Reality bites.
And it really doesn't move it's ass anywhere.
A little frustration wouldn't hurt me would it?

Goose (a colleague of mine) is right.
I need me one of 'those'. Haha.

On a happier note...
STARS is coming! OMFG!

"I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there, please don't let me die
But I can't live forever, I can't always be
One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea
The pages keep turning,
I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost"

~Calendar Girl by STARS

Awesome.

HK + INKED!

2008-10-08T00:08:00.014+08:00

"In a place far away from anyone or anywhere, I drifted off for a moment."
- Haruki Murakami "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle"

It's getting harder each day to pen down thoughts.
(and i wrote this entry 2 weeks ago in 'outlook' only to post it now!)

Update since: I GOT INKED! (after 24 long years...)

It was frikkin' painful. But it's all worth it. =)

And here's a brief 20-points highlight of my long-awaited HK trip!

1) Ayumi Hamasaki is FABULOUS live. Thanks Ailina! *kiss*
2) Walking 10 hours a day is no friggin' joke.
3) Typhoons are freaky! *swinging signboards & upturned umbrellas!*
4) The best mango desserts are here & here (Honeymoon Dessert & XLS)

5) Good company is always a bonus on long trips.

6) Saying of the trip: "Buddha's not gonna like it..." (wahaha!)
7) Credit cards are BAD. Repeat after me, credit cards are BAD.
8) Disneyland HK is an 'imitation' (I quoted a certain someone)

9) I love Buddha.

10) Ocean Park sucks.
11) In HK - You eat. You eat. And then you eat again.

12) Rollercoasters (3-loops + no hands!) are good for health.
13) Krispy Kreme has the best f***ing doughnuts EVER!

14) Carrying 1 luggage & 3 bags onboard a public bus to the airport is hardcore!
15) $2.20HK 15 mins ferry rides are awesome!

16) Bubba Gump is good shit! And has a view to die for!

17) HK series are good to end the days with.
18) Maggi mee is the key to good tasting food.
19) Japanese supermarkets are evil.

20) Shop. Shop. Shop. Shop. Shop. Shop. Did I mention Shop?

For more detailed updates of the trip, kindly go to http://www.me0wie.blogspot.com/

Working hard.
Buried.
Bad week.
Miffed.

28.09.08

2008-09-26T18:59:00.007+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINGX!

"The sun sliced through the windshield, sealing me in light.
I closed my eyes and felt the warmth on my eyelids.
Sunlight traveled a long distance to reach this planet;
an infinitesimal portion of that sunlight was enough to warm my eyelids.
I was moved.
That something as insignificant as an eyelid,
had its place in the workings on the universe,
that the cosmic order did not overlook this momentary fact."

- Haruki Murakami

He is my current obsession.
And it's funny how I always think of you & you & you when I read him.
Maybe it's because you(s) share my soft-spot for words in poetry?
Or maybe it's because you(s) write like a poet too. Haha.

Happy Birthday my 'one in a million'…
You are suppose to see this on 28.09.2008!
I didn't forget it this year. =)

Fearlessly Courageous

2008-07-11T11:03:00.002+08:00

Fearless Warriors.
Dumbass(es) or bravery personified?

Get yourself a coin & have a good look.
Either side, it still is the same coin.

She was right.
It is my greatness strength, but every bit my weakness.

Wishing...

2008-07-10T18:06:00.004+08:00

They are good shit.
*keeping me alive*

She was hoping for a better world
For this little girl
But the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree

There comes a time when every bird has to fly
At some point every rose has to die

I’m sick of looking for those heroes in the sky
To teach us how to fly
Together we cry!"

*takes a deep breathe*
Don't let it take a toll.
Just a little bit more...

Thought @ 9pm

2008-07-06T20:59:00.003+08:00

*glances nervously at the phone lying on the table top*
It's been awhile hasn't it?

Uncertainties looms across the days ahead.
Don't really want to be thinking about it.

What's to do at 9pm on a sunday?
Serving clients and housekeeping.
Been neglecting my side line quite abit recently.
Gotta catch up. Gotta catch up.

Been feeling really tired of late.
(having said this, naps doesn't seem to work anymore)
Wonder if it's all in the psyche.
Afterall, they say it's mind over matter.

Been having strange dreams these days.
I got married.
I got a new job.
I made new friends.
I travelled to some really exotic places.
I ate alot!
What a minute. These all sounds very possible!
Maybe they are all silent wants. Hahaha.
But i get scared in my dreams.
Often waking with my heart unsettled.

A sign?

Anyhoo, driving lessons is starting this coming wed.
*eggcited*
Can't wait to hit the roads!
(though the hole in pocket ain't quite a good feeling)

Cheers to a beach weekend & another lover's getaway.
A sea view room? No w that's wicked!

Mirrormask

2008-06-23T11:30:00.007+08:00

I guess it's always easier to blame ourselves.

Silence.
is not a good remedy.
and 'shut up' resounds like a painful siren.

Knocking.
doesn't hurt.

Expressions.
a thousand ways to speak a word.

Choices.
you can choose.
Masks and mirrors.
And everything else in between.

But 'everything is gonna be ok'
Simply because that is how the world works.

And maybe, just maybe, a choice has already been made.
since the very beginning.

Choices...

2008-06-19T18:27:00.001+08:00

*confused*
I know it's a choice.

And i hate making choices.

oh yeah...

2008-06-09T10:45:00.009+08:00

Moan-days.

They always come too quickly.

These weeks has been nothing short of bleak.
She is lost.
Maybe it's the fear of starting anew.
She wishes it was still in her.
But everytime she pits herself against that something else.
She concedes.
Doesn't think it is in her to do it right anymore.
She feels defeated.

She.

Maybe all there is to it is to not solve problems.
But to just look you in the eye and go
"oh yeah...that sucks..."

Insert me?

2008-05-29T15:14:00.006+08:00

It such a sweet thing!
To have buds like these!

In case anyone is wondering,
Wisdom tooth got yanked out!
So i had to miss my
(much anticipated)
trekking trip to
GUNUNG DATUK.
*insert sad violin music*

But fret not! I was still a part of the team,
(albeit only in the form of dotted lines)
Wahahaha. Funny or what?!

Thanks guys!

I'll be hoping for a chance to relive the
fantabulous great outdoors soon.
Seriously...I miss everything about trekking.
The smell of nature, stupid howling monkies,
noisy crickets, riverbaths, peeing in bushes,
jumping off cliffs, mass tins, maggi mee,
And the company. My friends (+ a nanny).

It won't be soon before long.
*smiles*

Mass Exodus...

2008-05-26T15:15:00.004+08:00

It's monday.
What's there to say on a monday...

It's really kills you when you look around,
only to see everyone losing steam.
No motivation. Zero morale. Frustrations.
It's kind of like a collective thought bubble that says,
"What am i doing here?"
It's quite sad.
I guess everyone's just waiting for bonus & (maybe) the
EX-GRATIA.
Well well...we'll see.
Mass exodus? Indeed.

And she speaks.
Words so well strung it hits a core.
You feel the pain.
Simply because she does.

Sputnik Sweetheart

2008-05-23T13:26:00.004+08:00

Gruesome - Been sick the past week
Unwise - Had the wisdom tooth yanked out last week.
Weightloss - Yup. As a result of the above 2
Lifeless - You bet!

Where is my light? My spark? My fire?
If i don't find you soon...
I swear i'll send out a search party!

On another note, reading "Sputnik Sweetheart" (yes by Murakami)
evoked a strange sense of nostalgia.
A classmate of mine who left us earlier this year had this very book
sitting in her, for the lack of a better word, casket.
You wonder as you skim through each line, each word, each emotion,
why they placed it in there along with her lifelessness.
That book. It must have meant alot.

Unfortunately, i couldn't quite grasp it all.
Perhaps a second read would help me understand.

All i know is...

"On the outside, nothing will be different.
But something inside has burned up and vanished.
Blood has been shed, and something inside me is gone.
Face turned down, without a word, that something makes it's exit.
The door opens; the door shuts. The light goes out.
This is the last day for the person i am right now.
The very last twilight.
When dawn comes, the person i am won't be here anymore.
Someone else will occupy this body.

Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all?
Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to
others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why?
Was the Earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?

Lonely metal souls in the unimpeded darkness of space,
they meet, pass each other, and part, never to meet again.
No words passing between them. No promises to keep."

~"Sputnik Sweetheart~

Now that really hit me.

Mostly Sunday...

2008-05-18T16:37:00.004+08:00

It's a sunday today.
Sundays are lazy usually.

So it does feel a tad strange.
Being out admist hoards of people.
Out with their families, friends, lovers.
Well...mostly lovers.

As for me, i'm sitting around catching up on some overdue work.
Waiting for a business partner.

If sundays were up to me.
I would rise early and have a good hearty breakfast,
coupled with perhaps a few stolen kisses.
Then it's off for a stroll by the beach
and a nice al fresco lunch.
Hmmmm. It would be nice to the lounge by the sea and read.
With a pina colada by the side, and a hand to hold.
Then to top it off, a little shopping and a good dinner.
Another short stroll in the park.
Random talks on the park bench.
Ice cream.
A long ride home.
And a kiss farewell.
Now that would be wonderful.

Well...pop goes the little fantasy.
It's time to head back to work.
And maybe i'd have time for a movie tonight.
Haha.

2008-05-16T14:38:00.003+08:00

*deep breathes*
Well...finally a little time to drop a post.

Got me wisdom tooth extracted. Yikes!
So it is currently the 4th day of MC.
Uh huh. A certified 'unfit' for work pass!
But well...
Spent the MC days doing work mostly.
I guess the mom's right. I'm pretty much a workaholic.
No watching of sappy korean dramas and all that jazz.
Just me, my laptop and a business partner.

And right after it started to get better.
I'm down with a cough. Bah.
It's quite the b**** having to cough when your wound hurts.
And it sucks more to have to not go for a trekking trip
one was SO looking forward to over the weekend.

Anyhoo...

Contemplative.
(should i listen to you?)

Almost Lover...

2008-05-09T15:11:00.006+08:00

It's FRIDAY! =)

After the hustle and bustle of the entire Elton John week,
one can finally take a breather before Mr. Blunt hits the shore next!
Bah. (he's beautiful...NOT)

But i'll tell you what's beautiful.
SINGFEST 2008! I bet there'll be awesome line-ups.
Will keep this space posted!
Just check out who is performing at SUMMERSONIC this year!

Alicia Keys. The Prodigy. The Subways (yay!). The Verve (yay yay!)
Lost Prophets. The Fratellis. 311. Fatboy Slim. Super Furry Animals.
Does it Offend You Yeah? OneRepublic. (and ok fine...Panic at the Disco)
PLUS *drum roll* DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE! OMFG!

If they were all to head on down here.
We're in for an AWESOME 3 days! Wheeee!
Nuff Said.

Was just reading up on some singer and i found this:

"First of all, it's always assumed that I am gay. I am bisexual. I have always had wonderful, very satisfying relationships with men. But when I started dating a woman, I discovered that nobody wants you if you're bisexual."
- Patrice Pike

Really? Is that right?
Do people see you as unsafe and just run away?
I've always wondered...
What is the difference of losing a person?
(whether or not to the same sex or the opposite)
It's still losing.

Been listening to something lately.
This could be passe but thank you Jo for this song.
It's effing sad. But so awesomely brilliant.

Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy

Redtiderssss...

2008-04-23T16:22:00.012+08:00

To my dearest REDTIDE aunties!
Thank you for the fantastic journey and the wonderful times...

3 weeks of tough competition. 3rd place.
Pretty awesome don't you think?

Afterall...

WIN OR LOSE. WE WILL BOOZE!

If you hadn't initiated the whole
"do you want to play again?'
MSN + SMS conversations,
REDTIDE aunties would have just
been nothing but a distant dream.

Thank you for leading us all the way!
And again for Nat Champs!
Hahaha.

To my dearest captain...
Aja Aja Fighting!

It's really interesting how 9 working adults (well almost!)
Can come together 3 times a week just to play polo.
Just the other day, i looked around the pool and wondered.
"Where the hell do we get our energy from?"
9am - 6pm: Work & 9pm - 11pm: Polo
Seriously? Yeah...

Also a BIG *squish* to our #1 fan.
Who sat at the edge of her seat
When we almost scored a silver.

Yes. And who could forget her
(strange) obsession for Bang Deli.
Thank you!

This trophy's dedicated to you!

(and also for those well-wishes from all
you guys...you ain't forgotten too!)

Quick One Here...

2008-04-17T14:44:00.002+08:00

My Personality


Neuroticism	39
Extraversion	76
Openness to Experience	88
Agreeableness	87
Conscientiousness	36

You do not feel nervous in social situations, and have a good impression of what others think of you, however you experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. Generally you are not considered to be an emotional person, however you are aware of and in touch with your emotions. You see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank and sincere. People find it relatively easy to relate to you, however you will help others if they are in need. If people ask for too much of your time you feel that they are imposing on you. You are a reasonably organized person and like to have a certain amount of routine in your life.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

The best Buying Pet Gifts.

Diary of Jane

2008-04-14T12:09:00.007+08:00

Have been listening to Breaking Benjamin of late.
Saw Al's blog and surprise surprise...it had a Breaking Benjamin vid!
That's an old single. I believe this one "Diary of Jane" is newer.
Maybe is the soothing sound of angst & disillusions
that makes it all the more appealing. Haha.

Disenchanted.

And i came to realise that we've been very lucky for all the
help we've been getting for Crowning Stroke. =)

Thankful.

Here's also wishing a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to OGF!!!
Hope you like the small little something somethings. =)
Cheers to a good year ahead! *kicks you outta here*

Existence.

And a peculiar thought crawled though my head.
Perhaps i always thought that i would be the one to say it.
Or maybe i already had and long forgotten.
Whatever the case...it doesn't really matter.

Intrigued.

And sadly, it's still the same frumpy
expression these few weeks.

Maybe it's just the lack of sleep.
Anyhoo...it'll eventually pass.
*dreaming of the bahamas & my big yatch!*

Aja Aja Aja...splats

2008-04-07T14:16:00.014+08:00

This past week has been
nothing short of HECTIC.

Yes...i kind of feel like how
i look in the picture (left).

Haha. But this is a really
nice little picture no? =)

What can i say?
We photogenic people look good!
*bursts out laughing*

Bangkok was tiring (yes...foot exercise!) and EXTREMELY hot!
Went shopping, rode on elephants, had fantastic char kway teow in
a roaches-ridden backalley, tuk tuk-ed, had our backs cracked
& got ripped off (paid 700 bhat per pax just to get to the floating market!)
And we STILL had to pay for our 15 mins sampan ride!!!

But still it was a great feeling. *beams*
To have had her by my side 24/7.
Kind of a sweet escape from both our busy busy little lives.
So i guess it was really quality time spent.
And due to my 'crybaby-ness' i am now known as "tofu".
(yes...so i DO sniffle at sappy romantic comedies...)

Favourite pix of the trip...

We rode the elephants ourself ya'll!!!

More holidays to come?
*pulls out an empty wallet*

Maybe next time...

To add to busy busy schedule, Crowning Stroke is on the roll!
(yes Alvin...tired of seeing you already! 6 days outta 7!?! Haha.)
We've got much to do!!! And tons to learn!!!

*stretches*

And then there is SRRR.
A lousy 1st week leads to burning desires to do better.
All i wanna do now is play polo.
(come on girls...2 more weeks to the finals!)
2 trainings this week.

*SHAG FACE*

And to top off the awesomely busy week,
we had to waste time & money on a really (sorry!) badly made film.
Note to director: Randomness is not always cool.
If it was something like "The Container",
at least it made sense and was really thought-provoking.
But this film was just "................"
Ok...maybe i am too dense to understand. But i quote a friend:
"It's the directors JOB to make sure i GEDDIT. If not he fail."
Quite true isn't it? Haha.

*burnt out*

Please please just let me get through the month
(without any serious damage)

Stumbled upon this gorgeous pix.
And truth be told.
This is EXACTLY what i want to
be doing right this very moment.

*feeling a tad sappy (again)*

It's a strange strange feeling.

"oh yeah, we meet again,
it's like we never left
time in between was just a dream"

End of Break.
Back to Work.

Free Love!

2008-03-26T16:11:00.004+08:00

"I'm not being brave. I'm being a decent human being."

Powerful words indeed.
Free love for all! =)

2008-03-25T22:47:00.001+08:00

If there is such a truth that there are too many cabs in Singapore.
Then why is it that after 1 HOUR of endless calling...
There is no f***ing cab within the vicinity?

Feeling f***ed and no one to talk to.

2008-03-20T12:30:00.000+08:00

Today i realized...

There's nothing i should really be whining about.

A case of blah-ness

2008-03-18T15:24:00.004+08:00

Been suffering from a string of blah-ness.

Is it really that beautiful people get through life easier?
-___-'"

10 tell tale signs of PMS:
1) You take offensive at things said like "your life is not as sucky as mine"
2) You have trouble waking up
3) Your boobs hurts
4) Your vajayjay hurts
5) You binge
6) You can't stop rolling your eyes
7) You have cravings
8) You are horny
9) You frown too much
10) ______?

And just today, Kar and i stumbled onto a bus after lunch and guess what?

(Yes. That is a TV that plays clips of NTU alumnis talking about NTU)

A mobile display of the greatness of having an NTU education.
(i wonder how much they paid)
How come NUS don't get no buses?!?!?

This totally makes my day:

Yes! It's a fantastic medley of TEA! Got it from Melbourne.
There's Chai, Chamomile, Sencha, Lemongrass, Earl Grey etc!

And *girly squeals* a blast from the past just made me blush...

Say What?

2008-03-14T16:09:00.004+08:00

What is Cheeky the Monkey saying to Bryan the Lion?

Before you can blink or fart out loud,
it's TGI (f***ing) F!
*cheers from around the room*
Days move faster with home-made dinners (thanks steve!)
dances with random strangers, training with mates &
under blanket snuggles...yay!
*eggcited about TEEase finals & "Bang-cock"*

Clubbing is good fun when you become fast friends with JUNIOR!
(yes...he is damn gay...and damn funny!)
I LIKE I LIKE!
(unfortunately...that was also the day i became known as susie -____-'")

Maybe i it takes just a little more effort.
Who's to say one failed when he hasn't even tried.
I am ashamed to admit that I've fallen behind.
Time to move out of the sidewalk.
Here i come!

Ken Lee?

2008-03-13T12:15:00.002+08:00

I don't care how many people already have this on their blogs.
But for those who hasn't seen this.
It's a MUST SEE video of the week!

Tulibu dibu douchoo!
BWAHAHAHA!

27th November...too late too soon

2008-03-12T17:42:00.007+08:00

Hmmm...

- November 27 -
You are very intellectual, and feel things very deeply. You are trustworthy and honest. Your friends love your dynamic personality and friendly nature.
Positive Traits: humanistic, philosophical, broad-minded, tolerant, generous
Negative Traits: nervous, linear thinker, easily frustrated, stubborn, fanatical
'What does your Birthdate mean?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Lights in Hell

2008-03-04T14:34:00.003+08:00

I did not die, and yet i lost life's breath:
imagine for yourself what i became,
deprived at once both my life and death.

~"Inferno" by Dante ~

I'm somewhat perturbed.
How is it so, that every single book i pick up,
has an association with depression, loss & death.
(which i am so hoping isn't a reflection of my subconscious)
Gosh! Whatever happened to happy books? -___-'"

Best advice of the week:
Buy some cookies, pour some milk,
and eat them after a good shower

TGIF! @_@

2008-02-29T15:09:00.014+08:00

Was feeling a little adventurous today so a colleague and i
met up with a buddy of mine at Tiong Bahru!
(damn tiong bahru market is so far from civilization la!)
Anyway, guess what we saw along the way?!?

Yes.
That is a lady's shoe.
I have no idea why.
But i guess they are
just trying really hard to
make a 1st impression.

All these on a van!
How awesome is that?

Damn funny la...these plumbers.
(wahaha!)

And it appears that due to TGIF, no one is in the mood to work!
Hence, i've pretty much decided to come up with a list of things
that keeps me going in the office.
*sniggers*

1. My mood cup 2. MSN & Jonathan Rhys Meyer!

3. Personal pantry ^^ 4. Spongebob vibrating pillow!

5. An OGF to b**** with 6. Can't stop eating these!

There you go...office life wouldn't be the same without
them. So hurray!

Last but not least...

Happy 29th Feb ya'll!
Another leap year!
Yet another day.

I can't say much except
Thank You.
For walking with me in spite
of everything else in between.

*squish*

Emoji Desuka?

2008-02-28T17:35:00.002+08:00

lillyelf - traumatized ai-nion just wants to go far far away says:
o(^^ o) (o ^^)o
lillyelf - traumatized ai-nion just wants to go far far away says:
(o ^^)o o(^^ o)
lillyelf - traumatized ai-nion just wants to go far far away says:
\(^o^)/\(^o^)/
lillyelf - traumatized ai-nion just wants to go far far away says:
japanese *emoji dancers!
lillyelf - traumatized ai-nion just wants to go far far away says:
\ (^o^) / \ (^o^) /

*emoji - what people call emoticons in japan.

Yes. The things colleagues do in the office. o_O

2008-02-27T15:37:00.001+08:00

you are deeppink
#FF1493

Your dominant hues are red and magenta. You love doing your own thing and going on your own adventures, but there are close friends you know you just can't leave behind. You can influence others on days when you're patient, but most times you just want to go out, have fun, and do your own thing.

Your saturation level is high - you get into life and have a strong personality. Everyone you meet will either love you or hate you - either way, your goal is to get them to change the world with you. You are very hard working and don't have much patience for people without your initiative.

Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Why Bother...

2008-02-27T12:54:00.006+08:00

This pretty much sums up
recent moods & the
mundane course of life.

Just like somethings...
Life's short. Why bother.

Ok. So i am perhaps just saying this under the influence of PMS.
(2nd day today...bah!)
Just felt like blogging.
Too many pictures i have yet to upload. Oops!

Anyway, BKK is confirmed! Wheeeeee!
(our first holiday!!!)
At least there's something to look forward to.
(of course...we're also really eggcited to see the preliminary
designs up on crowning stroke as well!)
And and...our Street Fighters gathering!
(ajar ajar fighting! yes. i am dhalsim...how apt!)

And and and finally check out this awesome pair of shoes.

I WANT IT! :(

Brief Encounters...

2008-02-26T10:22:00.008+08:00

A random friendly chat that stemmed from a strange dream
(yes jem...it is totally weird...)
started an entire conversation about brief encounters, chemistry & love.

"you know...i think chemistry is...overrated when it comes to partners"

All it does is to lead you to believe there could be more to it,
leaving you setting expectations and being disappointed after.
But being in love....that's just something else altogether.
Chemistry is about completing each other's sentences,
making each other laugh, able to connect, and everyone can see it.
You can find chemistry with many people,
depending on how vulnerable you are at a point in time.
But on a whole deeper level, i gather it's when the odds are stacked really low,
when times are shit,
You need more than chemistry to get things going.
The spark gets inflamed from the connection of the two damn hearts,
Sometimes you meet this person and he turns out to be wow...attractive.
You two can really connect, talk about everything under the sun,
and you think "hey...i could go far with this person"
And then you get together and you realise that apart from the chemistry,
You guys have nothing left and it isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

That was what she said.
Inspiring.

And this was what i picked this off from Before Sunset:
Well, all these couples expected after a few years of living together
for the passion, that consuming desire to be the same as in the beginning.
It's impossible!
No, i know. I know that... I mean,
God, otherwise we would end up with aneurism
If we were in that constant state of excitement right?
We would end up dong nothing at all with our lives.

I guess it's all true. How far can chemistry take you?
Which leads me to my next take on brief encounters.
Maybe chemistry is good only when it's ephemeral.
After all, even chemical reaction fizzles out after an experiment.

Why weren't you there in Vienna?
I told you why!
Well, I know why, I just...I wish you would've been!
Our lives might have been so much different!
You think so?
I actually do...
Maybe not, maybe we would have hated each other, eventually.
Oh, what, like we hate each other now?
No, maybe we're...we're only good at...brief encounters.

Maybe brief encounters aren't a bad thing.
The day that two person met will remain a memory that they subconsciously seek,
a feeling that was only beautiful because it was brief.

Ever had that?

Daydream delusion
Limousine eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face,
Drop a tear in my wineglass.
Look at those big eyes,
See what you mean to me.
Sweetcakes and Milkshakes.
I am a delusional angel,
I am a fantasy parade.
I want you to know what i think.
Don't want you to guess anymore.
You have no idea where i came from,
We have no idea where we're going.
Launched in life,
Like branches in the river
Flowing downstream,
Caught in the current.
I'll carry you, you'll carry me.
That's how it could be.
Don't you know me,
Don't you know me by now.

~ Before Sunrise ~

Quickie...

2008-02-22T12:31:00.010+08:00

Lunchtime.

*stares at the screen eating my breakfast for
lunch & blogs for abit*

Nearly couldn't peel myself of my love's bed this morning.
(kim...you have the awesome-est blankie EVER!)
And don't worry love...you know you have it in you to do it!
Fighting!!!

Anyway...was on the train this morning and all i heard were
CHINESE PEOPLE!
(shh shoorrr shhh shooorrr shoorrrr - excuse me...speak english can?!)
Whatever happened to my dear Singaporeans?
(where are you???)
I swear we are going to be taken over soon.
(mumbles)

Was at a Japanese restaurant once and the waitress told me
"I cannot speak english" (in chinese)
-_-""
The mom also had another episode in the train one morning.
Apparently our method of teaching mathematics was severely criticized.
(It got so bad that she wanted to give a slap to them smugs)

I feel like a racist. :(
Unfortunately...having had experiences that rendered feelings
like that only serves to justify my utter disgust.

Also...
It has come to my attention that i am unable to spell.
"I" before "E" except after "C" but weird is an exception to the rule.
"I" before "E" except after "C" but weird is an exception to the rule.
"I" before "E" except after "C" but weird is an exception to the rule.

Gonna have to commit that to memory.

Random Beginnings...

2008-02-20T12:21:00.005+08:00

Beginnings come at random,
but endings always have a reason.

~"M" by Ayumi Hamasaki~

Got this little quote from a friend who insisted i had to
properly quote Ayu. So there you go.

True isn't it?

I think i experienced an out of body experience today.
Somehow i recall walking to the toilet with my towel,
only to wake up on my bed.
Hmmm...
And i just read Jem's post on dreams.
Interesting...
Come to think of it, i don't seem to remember my dreams anymore.

:(

Of hoops & dreams...

2008-02-19T14:54:00.004+08:00

*radio playing "Piece of Me" in the distance*

I’m Mrs. "Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous"
(You want a piece of me?)
I’m Mrs. "Oh My God, That Britney’s Shameless!"
(You want a piece of me?)
I’m Mrs. "Extra! Extra! This Just In!"
(You want a piece of me?)
I’m Mrs. "she’s too big, now she’s too thin"
(You want a piece of me?)

I’m Mrs. "Most Likely To Get On TV For Strippin’ On The Streets"
When getting the groceries, no, for real
Are you kidding me?
No wonder there is panic in the industry
I mean, please
Do you want a piece of me?

Hahaha. Great work Brit!
Poor dear has gone raving mad...

I wish i could sing that too but
*looks around the tiny cubicle at work*
Dream on...dream on...

Oh and we're featured in SOT Feb issue too!
Just our competition poster. But better than nothing!
Hurray! Click the link below to download!
www.sotmagazine.com

It was back to hoops action (read = NBA) for me yst.
After a long hiatus.

Check out the winning dunk from Dwight Howard.

Superman!

WOW!
Players have traded. Old ones have retired. New ones are fugly.
Damn...whatever happened to my darling A.I?

wherefore art thou my cutie?

I miss my bboomers....
*boom boom boom down the hallways*

Ok that was a quickie.
3 mins flat.
Woot!

Of love, friends & food...

2008-02-15T11:31:00.018+08:00

Pick this off a friend's blog.
So here goes:

the love meme.

In summary, give 10 people your love for making your day, or something
like that. If I have given my love to you, spread it because we are all whores
for love. But only 10 more people, because people do have overlapping f-lists.

Chris: Your randomness rocks! Cheers to our endless crappy conversations
of everything under the sun. *squish* Do you know how hard it is to find
someone like that?!?

Daddy: A simple SMS from you made me laugh - "Hapee Valentine's
Day. N it's also an off day for the bees cos all the flowers has vanished."
(wahaha!)

Meowie: For you are one of those who goes to great lengths for a friend.
You're a gift to those you care about & i wish only the best for you. :)

My Love: Because you are my soul-mate. Amazing race 3? ;)

OGF: My office girlfriend, airhead-kaki, free-hugs partner, pupe-buddy.
One who knocks me in the head all the time. *glomps*

Other Half: My straight 'lesbo' other-half whom i have shared my shopping
sprees, garang treks, tears, joy, mugging, photo-whoring sessions with.
I'm glad we came thus far!

Jem: It still appalls me how you almost always call me at the right time.
Who's to forget that song that started it all. Look how far we've come!

Shorty: Because you're always there to lend a listening ear, to hear me sob,
share my woes & saying all the right things at the right time. You are
too precious to lose. ;)

VyVy: Who gave me my 1st pride rings! For sharing my love stories &
giving me a great honour. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. *hugs*

You: Till this day...i am thankful for the day i met you. Here's to
sunshines, rainbows and tons of love. My precious new year bundle.

So V'day came and went.
Just a simple home-made dinner in a picnic basket.

Years..they fly by.

Oh and us girls
finally got down
to our half-day
out! For anyone
looking out for a
good buffet spread,
do check out
OSCAR'S at Conrad
hotel. $48++ for
FANTASTICALLY
delactable food!!!

Feeling good.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

2008-02-11T13:49:00.000+08:00

Before i begin...
I am filled with guilt for missing an important day.
This time i remembered the wrong date.
Really sorry...
Happy Belated nonetheless :)

To the right...
You will see my Poupee avatar
(www.pupe.jp)
It is truly addictive!
And dammit...she has better clothes than i do!
(that's a Bosch jacket she has there!)

There goes another CNY...

Funny how long awaited breaks always makes one more exhausted than ever.
Anyhooooo...had the BEST reunion dinner ever.
(carefully prepared under the supreme culinary skills of my dear aunt)

The fantastic looking steamboat spread!

Stuffing my face with the BEST ngoh hiang in the world...

and check out what we ate for dinner. *cheeky grin*
The mom was extremely distracted at me calling them vajajays over dinner.

*sniggers*

and take a look at ailina's new neice - Arie (only 2 weeks old!)

Why do they all look so good young???

Was just talking to a colleague about Valentines' Day.
Which leads to my next question...
Does ANYONE know how the hell 14th Feb came about?
(she says FLORISTS! Hurhurhur. How clever...)
Anyway, i wiki-ed it:

There are several theories about the origin of Valentine's Day celebrations. Some believe the Romans had a mid-February custom where boys drew girls' names in honor of the sex and fertility goddess, Februata Juno; pastors "baptised" this holiday, like some others, by substituting the names of saints such as Valentine to suppress the practice. Others maintain that the custom of sending Valentines on 14 February stems from the belief that birds begin to pair on that date. By 1477 the English associated lovers with the feast of Valentine because on that day "every bird chooses him a mate." The custom started of men and women writing love letters to their Valentine on this day.

Where art thou...
my funny valentine.

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

2008-02-06T12:18:00.000+08:00

Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!

A new year.
A new facelift.

As we usher in the new RAT year,
here's wishing everyone...

YEAR YEAR GOT FISH!
HORSE UNTIL WORK FINISH!
DRAGON HORSE GOLD GOD!
MONEY ROLL ROLL COME!
NEW YEAR FASTER HAPPY!

Happy Ang Pow collecting!
(just got 1 from the generous CEO...)

TEEase banner is OUT!

2008-02-03T01:00:00.000+08:00

Hey all!

It's been about 3 weeks since the Crowning Stroke: TEEase competition got rolling.
*eggcited*
We could really use your help to spread the love...
Source code ahead!
*shameless*

Banner Source Code:
http://www.crowningstroke.com/spread.php

(sorry people...i can't seem to put the code here w/o it turning into a banner)

Remember...
We still love you!!! :)
*smuackkkks*

R.I.P pocky - I hope you're in a better place...

Random acts

2008-01-29T18:20:00.001+08:00

You are all too kind.

Thanks.

The Complaints Choir - Fringe Festival '08

2008-01-28T16:54:00.000+08:00

So a buddy of mine was part of The Complaint Choir Singapore,
part of the M1 Fringe Fest this year.

And we were proud to have been part of it.
In the audience of course.
*applause*
Well done sheri! ;)

Unfortunately,

"All public performances of the Complaints Choir of Singapore have been cancelled.
The Singaporean authorities did not want to issue a permission for public
performances if foreign choir members wouldn't leave the choir. The choir
has few members who are permanently living in Singapore but who are not
Citizens. The Malaysian born choir conductor and the artists Tellervo Kalleinen
& Oliver Kochta-Kalleinen weren´t given a permission to perform either."

Hence, it became a private event.
What a pity. What a waste.
But for all who missed it, here you go.

THE COMPLAINTS CHOIR SINGAPORE LYRICS

We get fined for almost everything
Drivers won’t ‘give chance’ when you want to ‘change lane’
The indoors are cold, the outdoors are hot;
And the humid air, it wrecks my hair
Those answering machines always make you hold
Only to hang up on you

When a pregnant lady gets on the train
Everyone pretends to be asleep
I’m stuck with my parents till I’m 35
Cause I can’t apply for HDB
We don’t recycle any plastic bags
But we purify our pee

*chorus:
What’s wrong with Singapore?
Losing always makes me feel so sore
Cause if you’re not the best
Then you’re just one of the rest

My oh my Singapore
What exactly are we voting for?
What’s not expressly permitted
is prohibited

“Ooh”

When I’m hungry at the food court, I see
People ‘chope’ seats with their tissue paper
To the aunty staying upstairs:
Your laundry’s dripping on my bed sheets
Please don’t squat on the toilet seats
And don’t clip your nails on MRT

Stray cats get into noisy affairs
At night my neighbor makes weird animal sounds
People put on fake accents to sound posh
And queue up 3 hours for donuts
Will I ever live till eighty five
to collect my CPF?

*chorus

Singaporeans too kiasu! (so scared to lose)
Singaporeans too kiasi! (so scared o die)
Singaporeans too kiabor!(scared of their wives)
Maybe we’re just too stressed out! (even the kids)

“Ooh”

Old National Library was replaced by an ugly tunnel
Singaporean men can’t take independent women
People blow their nose into the swimming pool
And fall asleep on my shoulder in the train

Singapore’s national bird is the crane (the one with yellow steel girders)
Real estate agents’ leaflets clogging up my mailbox (en bloc, en bloc; en bloc, en bloc)
Why can’t we be buried when we die?
No one wants to climb Bukit Timah with me

*chorus

“Ooh”

There are not enough public holidays
My neighbor sings KTV all night
Wedding dinners never start on time
My hair is always cut shorter than I want
Channel 5 commercials are way too long
Why do men turn bad?

*At first it was to speak more mandarin
Then it was to speak proper English
What’s wrong with my powderful Singlish?

People sit down during rock concerts
We have to pay for tap water at restaurants
ERP gantries are everywhere
But I can still see traffic jams on the road
All the bus stops have tilted benches to keep you off balance

*chorus

Upon which leads to a few complaints myself:

1) Terminal 3 sucks! After all the hype, my folks & i took the liberty of
driving down to have a look, only to be appalled & swept by disgust.
Well...at least the underground mall sucked. The building on top was
still aesthetically impressive. BAH!

2) Wobbly heels = a minor fall = small abrasion = swelling = a slight sprain = can't run

3) PMS = Binges = Weight Gain

Hmmm. Shall stop before the list floods beyond the screen.

On another note, visit www.crowningstroke.com!!! :)

Submit & Win!
Get your friends too!
And remember...

We love you...thissssssssssssss much! *smooches*

And someone said to me...

2008-01-21T16:53:00.001+08:00

I used to expect that she loves me...tells me this tells me that...
I used to cry to myself...asking why can't she...
But i know inside me that as long as our feelings are mutual...
We love each other...
That's enough for me.
I stop asking anymore.
And when there is something for me, it's a bonus.
When there isn't, I'm just happy to have her.

Thank you.

Guess somethings are easier said than done.
And selfishness blinds the human heart.
Thank you for your patience.
For not giving up even when you are hanging by a thread.

Time to make my way back home.

HAPPY NUDE YEAR!

2008-01-10T12:14:00.000+08:00

Haven't blogged in quite awhile.
No no...not at a lost for words.
Just been busy. ;)

Check out www.crowningstroke.com for some exciting news!
It's a small online start-up by Al & I.
Looking forward to everyone's support!

Here's a little something to kick start the year!

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1) Skydive
2) Climb Kilimanjaro
3) Finish reading all the must-reads on my booklist

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1) Sleep
2) Read by the beach in a hammock (overseas pls!)
3) Retail Therapy

Three Names You Go By:
1) Kos
2) Wossy
3) Girl /Babe / Baby (ok i cheated..this is 3..haha!)

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1) Kimitsu
2) Bonezphreak
3) Kosbonez

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1) Smile
2) Lips
3) Shoulders

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1) Chinese
2) Teochew
3) Erm...chinese?

Three Things That Scare You:
1) Horror Movies (haven't seen The Ring)
2) Roaches (na beh!)
3) Disappointments (both to others & by others)

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1) A Book
2) Coffee
3) pupe.jp O_o

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1) Pants
2) Spag Top
3) Charm Bracelet

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1) Dishwalla
2) Flunk
3) Linkin Park

Three Of Your *Favorite Songs:
1) Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park
2) Collide - Howie Day
3) Wish You Were Here - Incubus

*i have too many favourites dammit!

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1) Adventure
2) Connection
3) Trust

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1) Lips
2) Eyes
3) Ass ;)

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1) Reading
2) Watching movies (from arthouse to blockbusters)
3) Chilling out with loved ones over a good cuppa or BEER!

Three Careers You're Considering / You've Considered:
1) Marketing
2) Journalist
3) DJ

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1) Nepal
2) Africa
3) Germany

Three Kid's Names You Like:
1) Jake
2) Kaylin
3) Aidan

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically a Girl:
1) I love my accessories (bling it on!)
2) I PMS
3) I love to cuddle

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically a Boy:
1) Can be oblivious
2) Can't stand clingers (ok...this could be a girl's triat too)
3) I like girls too? (waha!)

HAPPY NUDE YEAR!
Go Streaky!

What is wrong with the world today?

2007-12-06T11:30:00.000+08:00

I tried.

You did.

Thank you note ;)

2007-12-03T14:07:00.000+08:00

Another year of fabulous celebrations for the passing of a year. :)
Thanks guys! For the many many surprises.
Frossy the gender confused frog. Dinners.
(authentic italian! thanks mama jun! + NY + Blu Jaz + Waraku)
Berdangdang. Tees. Games. Cakes. Balloons. Cards.
I'm sure alot of efforts went into the whole planning process.
And this is just to let you know that i TRULY appreciate every single thing!
*big squish*

Thank you for taking the time off to spend a night with me.
I know you've been really busy.
Seafood by the sea? Now that's clever.
Watching DVD under the stars? Now that's romantic.
And for your heart i now wear...

Now that's timeless.

And it's back to bite you in the arse...

2007-11-29T11:17:00.001+08:00

Yup.
It has happened again.
And worse of all,
of my own doing.

Maybe she's right.
Wait a minute.
She IS right.
And so is he.

The time has dawn upon us all now.
And a revolution begins.

I feel so...

2007-11-28T09:46:00.001+08:00

Useless.

When it hits you...

2007-11-27T12:09:00.000+08:00

Please don't do this to me.
Just.
Not today.

Am i really?

2007-11-23T14:15:00.001+08:00

Lets101 Quizzes - Quizzes for Fun

Collision Course!!!

2007-11-21T15:48:00.000+08:00

It dawns upon you that every single time you hear that song
"i finally find...you and i collide"
There's this unexplained feeling that fleets past.
In that very moment you ponder...
Does collisions cause more harm than good?
Then again. Too many questions...
Perhaps it's just a good listening song with a great tune! :)
Well done Howie!

On the finer side of life, LINKIN PARK WAS AWESOME!

(from a phone camera. :( That's all we had...)

from top: 'Licking Pork?!?!', LP!, My buddy Chris & i
(no one else i would've rocked out with!), The Scary Mosh!

(and i got my 10 secs of fame)
At this point, i would like to thank that random stranger who swept me off my feet
and hoisted me above 5000 bobbling heads to 10 secs of pure linkin park goodness

Whoever you are man...RAWK ON!!!

20 Thoughts for the Week
1) Saying the right thing at the right time is the essence to all things wonderful
2) Friends are very important people so don't you forget
3) You still surprise me
4) Silence seeks only more understanding
5) HEROES rocks! Yes yes i am PASSE. But better late than never! YA-TAAAA!
6) Sleep is good (with medication, better!)
7) Disappointments are often self-inflicted
8) Sometimes i just need you to listen - nothing else
9) There are some things i wish you knew
10) Some phonecalls will make your day
11) Others will ruin them
12) Linkin Park is f***ing rad live but need to work on some people skills
13) Freebies are always good
14) A hug a day is good. More than 1 keeps you in the pink of health. :)
15) Attention given is attention gained
16) La Senza bras at $17 is a steal!
17) I miss you and you and you and you and you
18) Having a retreat to look forward to gives hope to the otherwise mundane
19) Randomness is awesome
20) Can't decide if Mau is a bad word

Why why why will ARTIC MONKEYS EVER come to SINGAPORE?

Zen Zap meeeeeeeeeeeee!

2007-11-09T17:46:00.001+08:00

This is EXACTLY what i need!

It's amazing how a person's blog inspires me so much.
It's really not hard to see why.

"i wonder if the reason why we dream
is because dreams are a way of keeping someone alive.
maybe it's a communication to your heart and your brain
because you have consciously blocked something out,
and a gentle reminder is needed to be served.
is it a coincidence that the rawest emotions are only protrayed in dreams
because your brain knows you cant deal with it?
or is it a silent mockery at your lack of courage,
and a sadistic inner rage in you that robs you of that temporary happiness felt
because you deserve some form of punishment.
i wonder, too, whether they say you dream of someone
because you keep thinking of that person. "

Till this day. It's hard to explain how everything you write strikes a cord.
And how you (almost) always call me at the exact right time.
I still can't believe i forgot your special day.
(yes...i am still feeling sore about that)
Life certainly has moved in alot of directions huh?

A celebration happened over the weekend with a close friend of mine.
Simple.
That's what everything should be sometimes.
Hope you had fun. :)

Another weekend.

A quarrel - an argument of miscommunications.
She doesn't know.
How do you tell her without breaking her heart.

Following a heartfelt conversation.
It's interesting actually how we both share the same fear.
"sometimes i fear that our differences will drive us apart"
You said it.
But once again. There's always a room for working it out.

Oh did i mention what a CRAZY ass idea it was to have dinner at Little India
ON THE EVE OF DEEPAVALI?
We were literally bathed in a sea of people!
But it was a pleasant gathering with the JC babes.
6 years in the making.
And somethings really don't change!

(marc! when's our dinner gonna be!)

Randomness is awesome.

F***ing Aircon...

2007-11-09T15:36:00.000+08:00

It has occured to me that the office secretly wishes us dead.
HOW DO YOU BLOODY HELL WORK IN AN OFFICE AS COLD AS GENTING!

Favourite (office) curse words of the moment:
1) OMFG
2) Holy Mother of God
3) F*** (still a hottie!)
4) Chee bye
5) Chee bye neh neh pok -_-'" (yes...don't even ask)

Bored out of my wits.
with tons of unfinished business

A little quickie...

2007-11-02T12:28:00.000+08:00

If you have never set your eyes on "Sinfest"
You, my friend is truly missing out on some good shit!
http://www.sinfest.net/
God rocks!
Buddha rules!
And the Devil?
Cool as hell...

And a girly night out @ Dbl O & Zouk kinda lead to a situation like that:

Lol.

You go girl.

And i hope things will look up (somehow...)

Sometimes you're just too tired of being all of that.

And all you need is just a little time to be away

(from everything else...)

But that's life for you isn't it?

There are some things that i don't say.

Maybe it's not important now.

Maybe later. Maybe never.

Just maybe.

But i realise i am not afraid to say...
my heart still flutters.

I need a hug...

2007-10-25T17:58:00.000+08:00

At the end of a long work day...
Crazy ass conversations such as that below will take place

♡ christein ★ says:
i want to punch babie
♡ christein ★ says:
babies
♡ christein ★ says:
lol

...

I am so sleepy.
And feeling a tad too sappy.
*grimace*

Dreamy Days

2007-10-24T10:42:00.000+08:00

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
And you are beautiful.
Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Why should you tie your worth to someone else?
It's utterly & completely not what you deserve.

Quite another matter altogether, please allow me dream a little...

This is where i wanna be in a few month's time.
*crosses fingers, toes & everything else crossable*

Good things will come to those who wait.

You've come to realise that political arguments are always interesting.
(Did i really sound defensive?)
I guess that is what happens when you are too emotional
Too passionate. Too carried away fighting for a cause.
Results is perhaps not the most important thing that came out of this.
The fact that people actually give a hoot.
To stand up for what the feel deserves to be stood up for.
No matter what the outcome.
You know at the very least...
That somebody cares.

Blogging for blogging sake...

2007-10-23T11:59:00.000+08:00

I once told someone that most people blog when they are bothered about something.
What else do you blog about?

"Today i went to (insert happy place here) and did (insert happy thing here)
with (insert person who made you happy here) and it was (insert happy adjective)"

Afterall, articulating anger is always the easiest.

Anyway that aside.
I am just blogging because i haven't blogged in the longest time.
(not that i have nothing to say...maybe i just don't want to say it)
Life's been nothing short of busy.

What's new anyway?

There are days you go through life wishing you didn't exist.
Wishing hard that when you go down you take nobody with you.

"And i know it's around me somewhere, but i just can't feel it...
The promise that on the other side of depression lies a beautiful life,
one worth surviving suicide for, will have turned out wrong.
I will all be a big dupe."

Prozac Nation is BADDDDDD influence.
Please (don't) read it.

Someone said something that kinda struck me yesterday.
"My life is worth nothing. Even if i died. I wonder who would remember me"
If i died, don't grief for me.
Live your life like i would have lived. Max it out.
I might have been an intricate part of your life at one point.
Maybe a stranger in the next.
But what matters is that in that moment that i made a difference, take it with you.
Doesn't really matter what happens next.

Talk to me while i'm walking away.

Then there are times you wish you weren't who you were.
You wouldn't cave in to those moments of weakness.
You will wear a mask.
And they will only see the best of you.

Promises i can't keep. I shouldn't make.

Why does it feel like night today? Something in here's not right today.
We fall to the floor, the rest of the day stands still.
Cover up your face you can't run the race
The pace is too fast you just won't last
So you pick up a pen and write yourself a new identity.
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin.
Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down.
I need a little room to breathe cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And i'm about to break.

I LOVE LINKIN PARK! =)
Chester throw me your boxers!
Mike jump on me & i will catch you as you fall!

Feeling a little something there...

Of teammates, medals, booze, a birthday and love renewed...

2007-09-12T11:50:00.000+08:00

Presenting our National Champs 2007 Ladies Opens Champs...

There you go. My beloved team.
(didn't manage to take a pix of Belle but here she is!!!)

It's been a fabulous journey with you guys. :)
Seriously...nothing beats going for training after work despite all that 'hectic-ness'.
SRRR anyone?

Then there was the crazee birthday celebration.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS. ANG!!!
Great to have you back!!!

Fun in the sun @ Sentosa
(i bloody hell need an islander card!!!)

And you smile after a good catch up dinner with old friends.
Nanny & Other-half.
I've missed you both.
And i realise we're always laughing!!!
(which is always a good thing after a hard day at work eh?)

You too learn that absence does makes the heart grow fonder.
And the managing of expectations can lead to unexpected results.
It is possible to have a love renewed, passion rekindled,
& a reminder of why everything happened in the first place.
Thanks for still walking with me.
My one & only silly girl.

Thank you my love, my mountain (you know who you are)
There seriously was no better advice than that.
*squish*

Oddly enough,
mom seems to be more in tune with my payday than i am.
*scratches head*

Questionable questions...

2007-09-03T12:46:00.000+08:00

Things said one way and then otherwise.
In a strange confusion...i don't know what to say

Maybe for once i am really thankful for your honesty.

Guilt & shame walks hand in hand...

2007-09-02T19:13:00.000+08:00

And you realised you've been too self absorbed.
(you shouldn't be made my punching bag)
Blinded by expectations that you shouldn't be setting in the first place.
(i shouldn't be so starkly aware)
Perhaps it has blinded you further.
(& i've learnt to take it for granted)

When it was there all along.
And we should be halfway there.

You know that very notion of 'do what you would be done by'
So why is it we do those things we do.
Is it worse when we know what we've done?
Seeking to ignite something out of passivity.

Why is safe a bad thing?
Afterall,

"Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place"
by Ice T ~The Ice Opinion~

The folly of most...

2007-08-27T14:07:00.000+08:00

"Then he told me about something else that really frightened me.
In 1971, a group of researchers at Stanford University in California,
decided to create a stimulated prison in order to study the psychology
of interrogations. They selected twenty-four student volunteers and
divided them into 'guards' and 'crimnals'. 'After just one week, they had to
stop the experiment. The 'guards' - girls and boys with normal decent values,
from nice families - had become real monsters. The use of torture had become
routine and the sexual abuse of 'prisoners' was seen as normal. The students
who took part in the project, both 'guards' and 'crimnals', suffered major traumas
and needed long-term medical help, and the experiment was never repeated.'

'Interesting.'

'What do you mean interesting? I'm talking about something of real importance:
man's capacity to do evil whenever he's given the chance. I'm talking about my
work, about things i've learned!'

'That's what i found interesting. Why are you getting so angry?'

'Angry? How could i possibly get angry with someone who isn't paying the slightest
bit of attention to what i'm saying? How can i possibly be angry with someone who
isn't even provoking me, who's just lying there, staring into space?'

'How much did you have to drink tonight'

'You don't even know the answer to that, do you? I've been by your side all evening.
and you've no idea whether i've had anything to drink or not! You only spoke to me
when you wanted me to confirm something you had said or when you needed me to
tell some flattering story about you!'

'Look, i've been working all day and i'm exhausted.
Why don't you come to bed and sleep? We can talk in the morning.'

'Because i've been doing this for weeks and months, for the last two years in fact!
I try to have a conversation, but you're always tired, so we say, all right,
we'll go to sleep and talk tomorrow. But tomorrow, there are always other things to do,
another day of work and publisher's suppers, so we say, all right, we'll go to sleep and
talk tomorrow. That's how i'm spending my life, waiting for the day when i can have
you by my side again, until i've had my fill, that's all i ask, to create a world where i can
always find refuge if i need it: not so far away that i can't be seen to be having an
independent life, and not so close that it looks as if i'm invading your universe.'

'What do you want me to do? Stop working? Give up everything we've struggled so hard
to achieve and go off on a cruise to the Caribbean? Don't you understand that i enjoy
what i'm doing and haven't the slightest intention of changing my life?'

'In your books you talk about the importance of love, the need for adventure, the joy
of fighting for your dreams. And who do i have before me now? Someone who doesn't
read what he writes. Someone who confuses love with convenience, adventure with taking
unneccesary risks, joy with obligations. Where is the man i married, who used to listen
to what i was saying?'

'Where is the woman i married?'

'You mean the one who always gave you support, encouragement and affection?
Her body is here, looking out at the Singel canal in Amsterdam, and she will, i believe,
stay with you for the rest of her life. But that woman's soul is standing at the door
ready to leave.'

'But why?'

'Because of those three wretched words: "we'll talk tomorrow."
Isn't that enough? If not, just consider that the woman you married was excited about life,
full of ideas and joy and desires, and is now rapidly turning into a housewife.'

'That's ridiculous.'

'Of course it is! It's nonsense! A trifle, espeically considering we have everything we
could possibly want. We're very fortunate, we have money, we never discuss any little
flings we might have, we never have jealous rages. Besides, there are millions of children
in the world starving to death, there are wars, diseases, hurricane, tragedies happening
every second. So what can i possibly have to complain about?'

'Do you think we should have a baby?'

'That's how all couples i know resolve their problems - by having a baby!'
You're the one who has always prized your freedom and put off having children for later on.
Have you really changed your mind?'

'i think the time is right.'

'Well, in my opinion, you couldn't be more wrong! I don't want your child. I want a child
by the man i knew, who had dreams, who was always by my side. If i ever do become
pregnant, it will be by someone who understands me, keeps me company, listens to me,
who truly desires me!'

'You have been drinking. Look i promise, we'll talk tomorrow, but, please, come to bed now.
I'm tired.'

'All right, we'll talk tomorrow. And if my soul, which is standing at the door, does decide to
leave, i doubt it'll affect our lives very much.'

'Your soul won't leave.'

'You used to know my soul very well, but you haven't spoken to it for years, you don't know
how much it has changed, how desperately it's begging you to listen. Even to banal topics
of conversation, like experiments at American universities.'

'If your soul has changed so much, how come you're the same?'

'Out of cowardice. Because i genuinely think that tomorrow we will talk.
Because everything we've built together and which i don't want to see destroyed.
Or for that worst of all possible reason, because i've simply given up.'

'That's just what you've been accusing me of doing.'

'You're right. I looked at you thinking it was you i was looking at, but the truth is
i was looking at myself. Tonight i'm going to pray with all my might and all my faith
and ask God not to let me spend the rest of my days like this.'

~The Zahir by Paulo Cohelo~

Brillant chapter from one of my favourite authors.
Just brilliant.
Thanks Kim for the great book!

Pangs of guilt & guiltlessness...

2007-08-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

Ripped this off J's blog...

"How do you fight against someone when there is no battle to begin with.
And what if your nemesis, the one looking angrily at you,
the one you point fingers at, is just but a mere reflection."

You think?

Days of Adrenalin

2007-08-21T11:09:00.000+08:00

I miss my OGF.

See you in a jiffy!!! :)
Brewerks awaits!!!

And Nat Champs schedule is out!!!
Damn the 9am games.
What the hell.

JIA YOU girls!!!
Remember: "You are perfect."

No rhyme or reason...

2007-08-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

It's one of those days where you find yourself a worrywart.

As silence only reeks wilds thoughts of questions,
"what if something happened to her"
Your heart pounds a million times faster
Realising that perhaps you'll never see her again.

You fluster and then you rationalise.
Perhaps.
(you are just being too worrisome)

Then you pick up the phone.
Hoping that somehow a voice would be heard on the other side.

Only to know that it's simply because she matters.

(wipe sweat off brows & adjusts in her chair recovering from the fluster)

What are you thinking about?
I'm still cool.

More FANGS!!!

2007-08-20T16:59:00.000+08:00

Doesn't this poster scream awesomeness?
I swear i must have been a vampire in a past life.

(but of course i'll bet you that it's one of those crappy story or the lack thereof)

Well...there's that.

Been finding joy in the idea of actually saying things.
Yes yes. Assumptions are a load on your mental capacity.

And you ask youself "why don't people cry anymore?"
Then again. Maybe there are some who can't any longer.

Work's been f***ing busy.
Thank goodness for crunchyroll.com.
(shoosh you...the boss doesn't have to know!)
Training is almost coming to an end because
NATIONAL CHAMPS is frikken here! :D

Red Tide!!!
Win or Lose We Will BOOOOOOZE ah!!!
(did i mention that Brewerks has opened right behind my office?)
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

(starry-eyed boozing coming your way)

Has ANYONE ever told you that beer is good for health?

Happy Birthday Singapore!!!

2007-08-10T02:32:00.000+08:00

Just got back.
Tired like f***.

But i still can't seem to sleep.

Before i ramble on...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYEISHA!
Happy Birthday Singapore.
42 frikken years!
(you middle age almost-aunty)

Anyway...SINGfest was great! :)
2-day pass & free booze.
Why the heck not!
Once again, PSB was absolutely brilliant.
Not to mention that we've all got coneheads (made by Chang!)
& our dear friend sheri got a personal photo taken with Neil Tennant!
(& who would forget the rainbow flag flying high behind us! Well done guys!)
(Ailina: you were in thoughts when "Go West" came on. Haha.)

Got some pretty cool pix of Hinder when the closed the festival just a mere hour ago.
(they're alright live...whussup with all that f*** though. hmmmm.)

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(back to work)
Busy busy busy.

Perhaps...

2007-07-25T19:57:00.000+08:00

It's freaky when you read a novel at this precise moment,
only to see it reflect upon your EXACT thoughts.
It almost seems too real.
And i can only silently wish that i could take back everything i said.

I'm sorry if i scared you.
Or if i hurt you with what i said.
Nobody wants to hear those things.
And most definitely not you.

All i know is that
I'm scared too.

"Dogs of Babel" is a really good read.
And the marvels of her words never fail to amaze me.

"Suicide is just a moment.
For just a moment, it doesn't matter that you've got people who love you
and the sun is shining and there's a movie coming out this weekend
that you've been dying to see.
It hits you all of a sudden that nothing is ever going to be okay, ever,
and you kind of dare yourself: Is this it?
You start thinking that you've known this was coming all along,
but you don't know if today's going to be the day.
And if you think about it too much, it's probably not.
But you dare yourself.
You pick up a knife and press it gently to your skin,
you look out a nineteenth-story window and you think,
i could just do it. I could just do it.
And most of the time, you look at the height and you get scared,
or you think about the other people at the sidewalk below -
what if there are kids coming home from school
and they have to spend the rest of their lives trying to forget
this terrible thing you are going to make them see?
And the moment is over.
You think about how sad it would've been
if you never got to see that movie,
and you look at your dog
and wonder who would've taken care of her if you had gone.
And you go back to normal.
But you keep it there in your mind.
Even if you never take yourself up on it,
it gives you a kind of comfort to know that the day is yours to choose.
You tuck it away in your brain like sour candy tucked in your cheek,
and the pukering memory it leaves behind,
the rough pleasure of running your tongue over it's strange terrain,
is exactly the same."

Ok despite the subject matter,
which i assure you is not one of mine right this moment,
although i am sure every single person reading this has gone through such,
this is what i call brilliant writing.
Nothing complex.
Simple, succinct.

Like what everything ought to be.

Always enough time for a quickie...

2007-07-25T12:28:00.000+08:00

(work aside...peaks ahead)

One book down, another to go.

Just a note, American Gods wasn't too shabby.
Old Gods vs New Gods? Interesting perspective.

Anyway, for my geeky friends out there,
Just started on a new book that has been said to be next "The Lovely Bones"
(yes Marc, i know you loved that book)
And if that's not good enough a reason to read it.
I honestly don't know what is.

Came across a review online:

Where The Lovely Bones used a sledgehammer to get its point across,
The Dogs of Babel is as precise as a razor blade.
While The Lovely Bones attempted to soothe mourners
with cheap, cloying sentimentality,
The Dogs of Babel gets to the real heart of grief.
There is no loved one looking down from heaven,
no reassurances that we will all meet again in the afterlife.
There is simply a man and the empty half of his bed.

That got you yet?
Anyway i will reserve final judgment till i finish the book.
(Mostest: i wanna read your so-called 'holding the man' book!)

Honestly, having come as far as half the book,
i can only admire the relationship between the 2 mains.
Makes you wonder if that is actually possible.
Just maybe.

Anyway something interesting from the book...

"It's true isn't it, that each of us has two hearts?
The secret heart, curled up behind a fist, living gnarled
and shrunken beneath the plain, open one we use every day...
It's not the content of our dreams
that gives our second heart its dark color;
it's the thoughts that go through our heads
in those wakeful moments when sleep won't come.
And those are the things we never tell anyone at all."

So far so good.
And it's been too long since i read a really awesome book.

(and you learn that waking up early for a heartwarming breakfast is a good thing)
Thanks for always being a mountain.
I honestly don't know what i'd do without you, my mostest.

(and you learn that it is exhausting to do things that are unneccessary)
And i'll stand my ground.
Just in case you ever run away.

(and you know that long walks at 11pm still works wonder)
Nothing but you & fabrication of thoughts.
Of possibilities & the comfort of silence.

(and you will be there someday)
Just not today.

(and you wonder about what is it you really want)
You've got to stop.
On days you want to pull your hair out.
F*** the contradictions.

(you, you read me like a book and i thank you for that)

2007-07-25T11:51:00.000+08:00

And once again you admire that patience.

(just at the same time it repulses you)

Then there the silence that comforts

(but also reeks of emptiness)

At 22.21pm...

2007-07-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

almost at the end of today's meeting
(yes al...macs is now our fav haunt)

(the familiar sounds of 'makes me wonder' plays in the background)

and it read: "Wheee! Finish already? =)"

And there you go...5 mins later...
a yummy ice-cream strawberry cupcake w fizzy whipped cream!
(got a little too excited and kinda forgot to take a picture)

so there - my 'un-whipped' naked cupcake.

Thank you! *grins*
For making the day a lil' less crappy.
*squish*

Just pondering...

2007-07-16T15:06:00.000+08:00

about the idea of over-dependency.
In more ways than one.
The idea of having to be the only one in constant motion.
Alongside the inabilities, the silent expectations the subtelty of disappointments.

And in this moment i just need a bed.
To lie down.
Think of nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

It's been awhile since i've gotten a text poetry.
And i realise it's nice to still get one from time to time.

I wonder why...
The feelings.
Of going fast.
Of running straight off into a world of the unknown.
Not seeing the paths ahead...
And never sure of the road i've traveled to get there.
How do we see the moment...
When the one to be is always so close.
A reminder of the fleeting.
It's alot like a memory...
Lost on the tip of a freshly scented day of some day.
A dream...
Or not.
Why the fall...
When it's alot like flight.

On a lighter note...
Red Tide has finalised the team line-up!
(welcome back shuz and #1)
And scored themselves a new coach.
(we feel so loved)
Felt kinda shitty with myself though.
Ah...but that is that.

This is 10% luck, 20% skill
15% concentrated power of will
5% pleasure 50% pain
And a 100% reason to remember the name!

Go girls!!!
6 more Sundays.

I need a dose of that please....

2007-07-12T17:17:00.000+08:00

I've come to realise that i really miss A.D.R.E.N.A.L.I.N.E.
That sudden rush.
The crazy feeling of losing control.
And in that very split second,
your life hangs by but a mere thread.

The last form of mild adrenaline i got was from a short Go-Kart escapade.
Yup! That's me right there. Speeding like nobody's business.
After which i got a "i am not going to let you drive my car."
Oh come on...haha.

The Reckless Champ.

I need a little more.

Spin me spin me spin me away.

It's also funny how MSN emoticon shortcuts can translate into real life emotions.

Got a message from a friend saying milk>

LOL!

And in case you were wondering, it a rabbit hugging a bottle of milk,

which we use very affectionately.

In the meantime...the favourite song of the moment has moved,

from the likes "you don't wear my chainssss...."

(yes. Boston. Bloody hell the lead singer is HOT!)

to a brilliant track (i say so!) by Josh Kelley.

"Almost Honest"

Speaking of which, aren't we all?

So in the meantime

You'll be resting on my mind

For the last time

I will leave myself behind

In the evening

Raise a glass and tell some lies

Make a pass, impress another girl,

She was easy on the eyes

She was easy

And so was I

My reflection

In the window when I ride for Chicago

She is on the other side

Take a picture

Write a letter to my love

Well I was almost honest

I was almost honest

Been a long time

Since I've laid with you in bed

Conversations, full of words you never said

I got your message

But I didn't hear the ringing bell

I gave into the loneliness

But I didn't give them nothing else

Which direction

Down this highway that I ride to Atlanta

She is on the other side

Take a picture

Write a letter to my love

I was almost honest

Well, I was almost honest

Yeah, Oh oh oh Hmmmmm

My reflection

In the window when I ride

Could not save us

But I swear to God I tried

Take a picture

Write a letter to my love

I was almost honest

But I was almost honest

Cause I was almost honest

L WORD 4 TOMORROW!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

And the silent afterthoughts.

Take a little breather...

2007-07-06T12:17:00.000+08:00

So i haven't been regularly updating my blog.
What's been up you ask?
Nothing much really.
Just that i have newfound respect of all construction workers
simply because it is so tough to build a house!

For those who were not in the loop,
I was at Batam for a short volunteer 'build-a-house' trip with Habitat.
As pictures paint a thousand words, here goes...

TRANSFORMER IS AWESOME SHIT!

don't you just love that yellow chevy? 'Baby don't go...'

Thanks to an awesome colleague (who's also my self-proclaimed OGF)
i was at the WOMAD 2007 press conference yesterday.
Fantastic food (thanks to Timbre!), FREE BEER (wooooo hoooo!),
free wine, free coke light, free CD, promo discs, what more can you ask for!
And a short shopping spree @ Bugis street lead to an impulsive purchase.
Yes. I got a DRESSSSSSSS. *winks*
Now i'd have something decent to wear to Dhoom's wedding.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Oh...and to my dear friend who's flying to Bali early tmr morning.
Have tons of fun! And take more pictures! (of the BOTH of you please!)

Then there's hopes of planning a short getaway.
*crosses fingers & toes & all things crossable*

To soak up the sun,
To swim with the fishes
To relax on the deck chairs,
To feel the gentle breeze
To stroll by the beach,
To dine by the sea
And to fall into a soft bed,
with you by my side.
As i whisper tender words into your ears,
and watch you fall sweetly into slumber.

I am such a lamer.
Hopeless one at that.

Ramblings once again...

2007-06-27T15:23:00.000+08:00

It's one thing to miss someone who's not around.
But what does it mean when you miss someone who has never left?

Intrigued.

"Let me apologize to begin with,
Let me apologize for what I’m about to say,
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed,
But somehow I got caught up in between." ~ In Between
You feel a little useless, hopeless, worthless.
You know it's dumb.
But you can't help it.

And then you are thankful for having found great colleagues,
who have become personal friends & sistas!
(yes. i am now an official mmb of the 'non-airhead' club)
It's good knowing that they get you through the day,
consider how you whine and complain half the time.
You know who you are. :)
And the people whom you know are always around.
Blessed-ness.

And you.
You still make me smile.

Reminisence...

2007-06-15T10:37:00.000+08:00

*and you stare at the computer smiling*

Was just reading 'other-half's' blog and such a simple thing made me smile.
I really do miss the times where we were always bumming around in YIH.
Hahaha. And i miss surprising you with salmon sashimi when you were slogging away.
Still remember the days where Lao ge, you and i wanted to buy over YIH?
Crazy thoughts that one.

And then i realise that the Rovers family is really one whom i don't often see
But will always hold dear.
Nanny, Pa, Wan family, Lin Peizhen, Joel, Suji, Andy among the many...
No matter where you are, what you do, the mountains will always wait for you

And then there's also the awesome polo family.
My pads. My inspiration. My team.
I miss Team NUS!!!
And now that there's Red Tide ladies / lao laos / aunties.
There yet another reason to live again! :)
And then i sappily realise that i really wanna dedicate a goal to YOU.
(and wink in your general direction)

I miss NUS. I miss the lectures (being late like ALL the time).
I miss the Arts Canteen and the Western food in Biz Canteen.
I miss KR (yes #1...). I miss TH (yes DP...). I miss my coursemates.
I miss Strawberry Milkshake. I miss Sociology. I miss AS7.
I miss the NUS pool. I miss YIH. I miss Munchie Monkey.
I miss training camps. I miss adventure racing. I miss Central Lib.

Although i haven't seen most of you guys in a long time
Bboomers was the best thing that ever happened in JC.

And then there's my buds of a decade.
You guys...
There's no need for anymore words.
Just heartfelt appreciation.
For always being there. No matter how far you are.

That's all for my moment.
Back to reality.

And you make me smile.

You know...

2007-06-14T17:15:00.000+08:00

You know that you can be a handful sometimes.
And she has to deal with all that unjustified sillyness.
You know she dries all your tears (those w/o rhyme or reason)
And she doesn't say a word.
You know that you are always all over the place.
And she waits with unfathomable patience.
You know that she deserves everything in the world.
And she simply says you deserve her.
You know she is tired.
Yet she tries her best to give you every waking minute.
You know your thoughts are unrendered.
she doesn't question them but silently assures you.

But most of all you know that you are thankful.
Because she's the greatest gift of all.

*feeling a little sappy*

And you wonder...

2007-06-11T13:28:00.000+08:00

WHY IS THE F***ING OFFICE AIRCON SO COLD!

There's always a first for everything...

2007-06-10T21:13:00.000+08:00

And some firsts aren't very nice at all.
But what matters most is not the during but the after.

"Love one's daughter
Allow me that
And I can't let go of your hand"
~Cold Water by Damien Rice~

It's a great feeling to be back at training.
People often ask "why do you train so hard when you can be resting"
Yes. It's not easy burning wkends after wkends.
But it's hard to explain the feeling.
Unless of course you are in the team itself.
At the end of it all, you tell yourself it is so worth the while.
And all the aches are nothing.
Because it that few hours, you are in a different place.
Along side the familiar faces you don't often see but are always around.
Then every week you look forward to a sunday.
Just simply because.

You fall asleep to the smell of chlorine.
And a voice on the other line.

FREE HUG DAY!!!

2007-06-08T19:00:00.000+08:00

a self-proclaimed one that is.

So 2 girls
(not that we have too much time on our hands - serious!)
set out on a day of giving out free hugs.
(with surprising results - VyVy u DIE!)
GM was all giggly when she saw us,
and very uninhibitedly hugged us both.
Awwww.
Boss was pretty nice about it as well.
Someone even asked "can i have more hugs?"

There you go.
My very BIG-hearted colleague. Kudos!

Makes your heart warm doesn't it?
Check out the following links for more videos on FREE HUGS!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5EXGPa-Q3I
I heard it started in Aussie & i know there are those few in SG.
You guys are awesome!

And all that in a HUG day's work.

*HUGS* to everyone in need of one. :)

And somebody told me...

2007-06-06T12:12:00.000+08:00

It's probably one of those moments when you find yourself drifting
to what keeps your feet on the ground
and you end up wandering and feeling a little disconcerted
and you're left with a helpless feeling
cause you dont know the root of it
and it's hard to get rid of a problem
when you dont even understand the source in the first place

Brilliantly put my friend.
And questions well asked.

is daydreaming a sign of a discontented life?
is numbness a sign of acceptance, or resignation?
is listlessness the warning you've been hearing all along?
and the more you search, the more lost you become.
and for too many split seconds, you dont know who you are anymore.

Oops. My post has become a post about yours.
But your words still inspire me deeply.

Today is that kind of day.
where everything is in splotches of gray.
Why has the sun gone into hiding?

And moments of 'wherefore art thou' looms across the room.

Utterly & Completely.
Just can't help loving the way it sounds.
Such a sucker for the beauty of words.
Imagine the world without.
Can't.

And you revel in the moment of silences and shallow breaths.
Thoughts in process (too much).

Reasons & existence...

2007-06-04T17:13:00.000+08:00

She says they are the reason for her existence.
Have you ever thought about what's yours?

You can't help but ponder over the realities of somethings.
Things that are seemingly insignificant & non-existential anymore.
Seemingly.
Always an irony of the human condition.
Everything is 'seeming'.
Nothing is concrete.
Not your thoughts,
and not mine.

Life is a learning experience
and nothing teaches better than a broken heart
U'll never learn how to deal with a broken heart if you don't get one,
it's a blessing i think, just lucky.

So i quote a self-proclaimed 'battle-scarred auntie'.
And i couldn't agree more.
You think?

And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in gray,
And the sun will set for you.

Huggles

2007-05-28T21:22:00.000+08:00

Thanks to you today.
-huggle-
And to everyone in need of a hug.
Put your right arm over your left and try to reach your back.
There you go.
-huggle-

And herein lies the lyrical genuis of Jay.
A fantastic song to plug in to when,
taking the longer route home.
You'll say...

白色的风筝
安静的床枕
沉睡的感觉
梦见那遥远

天边的海水
复杂的眼泪
看你傻笑着
握住我的手

梦希望没有尽头
我们走到这就好
因为我不想太快走完这幸福
很可惜没有祝福
但爱你并不孤独
不会再让你哭

我陪你走到最后
能不能不要回头
你静静的抱住我
说你不需要承诺
你说我若一个人会比较自由
我不懂你说什么
反正不会松手

我陪你走到最后
能不能别想太多
会不会手牵着手
晚一点才到尽头
你说不该再相见
只为了瞬间
谢谢你让我听见
因为我在等待永远

It's been a rough 2 weeks at work.
Tons of things to clear and fatigue from yst's race isn't quite helping.
But it's always great to come back to a familiar voice.
And sweetly dwelling in moments of reminisence.
Then falling asleep once again.
(you're the only person since then whose voice i hear every morning & every night)
That really made my day.
And i hope it made yours.

You've come to realise that all that matters.
It's the here and now. The person and not the idea.
And it took only a sentence from you to get me there.
Thanks mostest :)

Midnight @ Starbucks...

2007-05-27T00:41:00.000+08:00

So here i am.
Working @ Starbucks on a saturday night.
Too many events.
Too much work to be done.
But then again...
Work ain't half bad.
And i have become a self-confessed workaholic.
Just like the dad @ home.
Not a bad thing i suppose.
@ least you know that you can take a lil' beating in life.

Interestingly,
I became a psychological subject for a colleague's research paper.
"you are a planner" she says
Am i really?
Maybe that's why i'm living on a schedule.
Kinda sucks really, to be slotting things all over the place.
But then it all boils down to a matter of priority.
And you learn as you go along the important things in life.

Realising that when you are willing to do anything,
that you have fallen far enough.

And you smile for no reason...

2007-05-26T01:01:00.000+08:00

What do you call a fool who misses a fool?
A fool's fool.

Crazy month looms ahead.
And who in the world was complaining that there was nothing much to do?
Cheeeeeeeee Booooooooooot.
(Doing work at 1.19am)

I have an insane urge to run.
(in pain)
And someone will look me in the eye and say
"I told you so"
Urgh! I am SO dreading monday.

But then again...
when monday comes, wednesday draws near.
YAY!!!

In the silence of the office @ 8.15pm

2007-05-22T20:12:00.000+08:00

As IRIS counts down the next bus arrival,
I decided to blog.

And then i realise that i have nothing to say.

A strange familiar feeling.

Suspension...Control...and the absence of it all

2007-05-21T00:20:00.000+08:00

Nothing worth having is easy.
And the truth is right there in your face.

Somethings
you just can't do without.

It's been rough.
Rough for you. And you. And you. And you.
And perhaps you too.
No one said it's going to be easy.
Neither will anything change the way things turned out or already are.
Nothing anyone can say or do.
Helplessness.
Much as they all use the great cliche.
Time.
The only given reason we're all still here.

You.
The idea of it all.
It overwhelms.
In transcendence.
Soft silences. Long pauses.
Gentle touches.
Beating hearts.
The beauty of it all.
Without a word, rhyme or reason.
Me.

I love my long bus rides.

Somethings should never been said.
Why do you need to say it after so long?
Think about it.
You are f***ed up.
I don't like you very much.

Purely baised.

And the random chancing upon a Fort Minor track.

Slip out the Back

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so I could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, I'm trying not to be worthless
Since I last saw you I been looking for a purpose
Well I met this kid who thought like I did
He had a weird way of looking at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I don't remember where I met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was just too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed about fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck
becauseI don't need to tell you that life isn't fair,
it doesn't careIt arbitrarily cuts off your air,
and like you I want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when I'm saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I'm no hero, you remember how I was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
I'm spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how I hoped it would be
But I had to protect you from me

Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasn't fair
I didn't want to be around just to bring you down
I'm not a hero but don't think I didn't care

Mike the lyricist.
Brilliance.

In a state of insomnia.

Learning to rest.
Learning to breathe a little more.

Heavy-Hearted Monday...

2007-05-14T12:19:00.000+08:00

Ah what the heck.
It's been a heavy-hearted week.

Everything just seems to be going on rough patches.

It's all these tough shit that happens out of nowhere.
That catches you off guard.
For some...you know what is making you this way.
For others...it's just no rhyme or reason.

Whichever is worse?

And all i want to do is to tell you that
everything will be alright.
There is a part of me that doesn't quite know what to say
nor the right thing to do.
But then again...
sometimes the best thing to do is silence.
And just being there.

Can i do that for you?

And i still can't quite explain.
the staggering feeling of a constant fatigue.
Why does something feel wrong
when nothing really is?

Is there an innate need for you to need to live in chaos?
Is stability too ordinary for you?

Slow down. Stop.

Don't stop.

So all over?

2007-05-11T16:22:00.000+08:00

"Your emotions are all over the place"
Really?

I have absolutely no idea what is going on.
But i know that it is me.
And it has nothing to do with you.
Or rather not a direct causation of your very nature.

I wonder why i am having so many private posts.
But i guess it's because i love you so much that i don't want to hurt you.
It's the only reason i know how.

I love you.
I do.
I still do.

And that is all that matters.

Late nights of sleeplessness...

2007-05-04T09:22:00.000+08:00

As you lay by her side,
listening to the rhythm of a peaceful snore,
You know.
That she is rested,
in her world of rainbows & butterflies.

And you,
You lay awake staring into the silence of the night,
listening to everything around you.
You feel, you sense, you almost taste,
the sweet vileness of a barren land.

What do you seek?
What do you want?
Where do you go?

To spread your wings and soar into the darken skies?
Or to stroll by the beach, to watch the sunset?

You are perfection.

I am your vice, your demise, your shadow.
For my imperfection warps my vision,
and evokes your uncertainties.

You don't know.
It's not your fault.

You chose to love me.
But i didn't choose to love me.
It seems like all i want to be is an entity of emptiness,
a slave to time,
and eventually, just an expression of freedom,
balls and chains personified.

I am not free.
With or without you.
I haven't freed myself.

If loving me comes so easy for you,
then tell me why loving you doesn't feel like how it should?

Simple.

I complicate things.
I want you yet i often push you away.

I am perhaps nothing but a passerby who stumbled into your backyard,
just because you had a cute little garden.
Maybe i willl grow tired.
Maybe i won't stay.
Maybe,
Just maybe.

Till then, i will continue to walk with you,
in hopes that i will be by your side.
Don't let there come a day where i will fall too far behind,
and if you don't realise,
you may one day turn around to find that,
i am no longer,

There.

Thoughts in process...

2007-05-02T16:06:00.000+08:00

Are you already sick & tired.
Of how weak i actually am?

That i constantly walk in shadows.

My nature is insanely warped.
I care too much.
And i let things make me feel so small.
Am i useless?

And you having to live up to the consequence of my actions?
Am i even being fair to you?

Freedom and Balls & Chains personified...

2007-04-26T10:33:00.000+08:00

There is a fine line between doing what is right
& doing what you think is right.
Times where you know that no longer are you able
to do the things that you could.
It all drips from a gaping hole.
In a stream of dark crimson.
You can't contain. You can't hold it in.
There is only that much that you have left.

It's not a choice. It's a repercussion.

And you know that no matter what.
You've been there. You've done that.
No longer. Not anymore.

If happiness is always an option,
then why are certain choices made otherwise?