S.H.I.N.H.W.A

It's been so long and i had always thought that they no longer existed. For those of you who knew me back then, you will most definitely know who they are cuz i was so so so raving mad about them back in sec sch and JC. *lol* Talk about nostalgia and memories. Was just watching MTV this afternoon and i saw them perform live. I was stunned. Imagine thinking that a band had already broken up but they haven't? So welcome back into my life. Haha. I am making it sound so damn serious right? But you guys had no idea how i loved them. Esp Minwoo. Wahaha. More of his pictures to come. Anyways they are already on their 7th album and i stopped at the 5th. Sigh. 2 more albums to buy and so many other miscellaneous stuff to get as well. Might as well make my collection complete right? And for those who have called them wusses and gays and what nots? *growls* it's gonna come back atcha!!!

Minwoo is still the best dancer, the stylo-est, the most charismatic member of SHINHWA. Somethings never do change do they?

*Update*
Anyways went for canoe polo today. And i guess my mind's made up and things have finally been sorted out...i guess it'll never hurt to try. I still like the game alot. To all those who had given advices, thanx! You know who you are. The juniors are all so cute lah. Very amiable and enthu. A great feeling to have. By the way "AVP" fell short of my expectations. Far short. And sorry if any avid and crazy "AVP" fans get offended. But nah. It wasn't all that good at all.

she spoke at
10:41 PM

she spoke at
1:18 AM

she spoke at
12:28 AM

In truth, there is only emptiness.
The world, it's myriad beings,
dimension and times is like a dream.
When you are experiencing a dream,
it seems very real.
But upon awakening, you realize
that what seemed real and substantial
while you were dreaming actually has no substance at all.
Your dream disappears upon waking.

Emptiness implies absence.
Not the absence of reality,
But the absence of illusions.

Just got these two excerpts out from this book that i once read "Snowboarding to Nirvana" and the "Dao de jing". Hmm...it appears that we are only truly enlightened in emptiness, where emotions and worldly complications do not exist, only inner peace. One wonders where in the world that place is or will be found. Does it even exist?

All 5 components of individuality - Forms, sensation, perception, psychic dispositions and conciousness are suffering
~Noble truth of suffering~

I know for one that in Buddhism or in some other religions as well, what we are experiencing on Earth is purely physical and physicality is temporary. What matters in the soul that we would take with us after our period of suffering has ended here. I wonder again. Is this true? Seriously speaking, the 5 above mentioned does really attributes to why alot of us are so miserable. But yet again, it is also the same 5 things that enables us to enjoy the blessings of happiness and love, just to name a few.

It strange how one can feel so lost and empty sometimes. In the past week, i feel as if somethings missing. Maybe it started after AGM, when i no longer belonged. To a place that i held so dear to my heart. Come to think of it, maybe it wasn't the place i was attached to but the people i met along the way. I have to admit that it got me through my first year in NUS and whatever i had gone through did change me as a person. It was what we did that binded me in the first place, the bliss of being one with nature. The feeling that nothing else can quite come close.

At the end of my heartfelt journey, i think it's about time that i look back with a smile instead of feeling lost without a place to belong. Because i will still be around and i guess you will never be able to deter yourself from what you love. And there is still a promise to myself i have to keep. Kilimanjaro. A distant dream but in a very near future. I desperately need to regain my focus. Sometimes i just feel like shutting out. But i know for sure that it would not serve to make things better. Maybe i just need time alone. To breathe. To get inspired. Yet again, i know that you will always be there. Thank you. The world will not slow down for me, but i will eventually have to slow down for the world. But in the meantime...

Don't stop me from flying.

she spoke at
2:14 PM

Do you believe in ghosts?
Are you afraid?

But do you want to know what is scarier?
Look into the mirror.

You'll see.

she spoke at
10:44 PM

"The world moves for love and kneels before it in awe"
~The Village~

They often say that love is almighty, the most powerful thing in the world. Yes. I'm sure many of you out there can attest to that. Sometimes, when someone we love leaves us, we feel that we are thrown into the deepest abyss, plunged into total darkness and we feel alone. Lost and unsure of who we are anymore and it seems like no one in the world understands you anymore. So you shut yourself out from everything and everyone else. But what you don't realise is that people out there are trying to reach you. People who actually give a damn about you although you refuse to believe that anyone can fathom your thoughts and emotions.

So how long can one hide away from the world and from the people who are relentlessly searching for you but getting pushed away as well? Most people seem to lose hope in the world because every single thing seems to be going against them and their will. But the world will not yield for you. You do that for yourself. You yield to you. When you cannot find love, ask yourself if you have loved yourself enough first. It always pays to take a small step before you leap. So love yourself a little bit more. Be at peace with yourself before you deal with the world. I guess that might come across to be a little narcissistic but i guess it pays to be just that much so. You'll be surprised at how you can go through with life that way. Somehow it's always easy to love anyone but yourself huh? Ah...the complexity of life.

People around you will never be satisfied with who you are. So who's left but you? No doubt you will set expectations for yourself...mostly the oh so common "i wanna be(s)" but at the end of the day, should everyone parish from this Earth, you are the only one who can love you, for you. And that is not very easy i might add. Why? You know why. Because we are all so obsessed with perfection. Everywhere we turn, we see the models of perfection. Rich businessman, gorgeous celebrities, stick-thin models, famous singers, wealthy politicians, sexy stars, selfless volunteers, beautiful voices, you go fill in the rest of the blanks. But who sets the bar? Who creates those epitomised figures of perfection? Us. We feel like there is always something missing in us and we spend our lives searching for things that doesn't even exist. Perfection. Nobody is and no one will be. So love your imperfections because they are the reason you are human.

Love yourself a little more.

she spoke at
2:17 AM

Time changes everything. Well almost everything.

They say that change is the only constant in life. You can never step into a same river twice. True right? Time is the essence of change because with time, everything becomes something else. Even feelings. Maybe there really ain't anything called eternity. Feeling that you once had might not be the same feeling you have now. And someone you used to like is not the same as someone you still like. Perhaps that's the power of time. The master that takes lives away, make love fade, heals all wounds, weaves all delusions and hopefully release all the pain. Such greatness yet such an evil.

It really changes.

I am really beginning to understand how fate messes with our lives. And how often circumstances gets into play resulting in dire (or not so dire) consequences. There are always external factors that results in something happening. And as usual...TIMING. Even if the right person comes to you but at the wrong time, what is the use? But if a person comes at the right time, he/she doesn't have to be wrong or right. He/she just is. So because of the essentiality (is there such a word? Or have i created yet another?) of timing, there will undoubtedly be a ton load of missed opportunities or some might just plainly put it...'star crossed lovers'. I am sure that everyone has had their fair share of shit like that. So yeah. After awhile, it dawns upon you that maybe all that "it's not meant to be" bullshit might actually be true. And after that..life goes on and everyone moves on. Life. Sucky but we'll have to live through. Somehow.

I've had it easy because i am always the one saying no and sorry. Maybe when one day i become the person being said no or sorry to, I will finally get the feeling i deserve.

I am DANGER.

she spoke at
2:55 PM

"Youth offers the promises of happiness but life offers the realities of grief."

~Tony Parsons~

What do you think?

Is life all about grief? Do we all constantly upset ourselves with the feeling of loss? And does youth really hold the key to happiness? How many times we've come across devastated youths with problems stemming from home, school, self and society itself? I believe that whatever we go through in society today, we go through it as youth, as adults and also as elders. Doesn't mean that problems are non-existential in youth. Perhaps when we are young, we have more capacity to dream and delude ourseleves to the perfection of life. Which isn't really so. Or maybe. Here's something i like from the show "Avalon" - "Some young people deal with their disillusionment by seeking out illusions of their own." Maybe that's what alot of us are doing today. Maybe our dreams are the only thing left for us to hold on to. Our perfected world that probably will never exist.

Just caught "The Village" with my parents. Uh huh. Another one of our family movie outings. Pretty hyped up huh? If anyone out there has time to spare, do try and catch it. It's pretty awesome that the trailer strucks us as a horror flick but it turned out to be surprisingly unusual. So i shalln't give out any spoilers. *smiles* Innocence is such a missing virtue these days. In fact, it's a virtue that's often moulded into a weakness. Ah...the sadness of life today.

Happy Birthday Singapore.

Feeling perked up.

she spoke at
5:12 PM

"We must never be afraid to be a sign of contradiction to the world"

And that was exactly what she was. Her work never came as a smooth sailing journey because a certain part of society didn't believe in her passion. As one of those against her said, "Nobody does anything for nothing". Wrong. There are people who do. Just finished a film adaptation about Mother Teresa's life and i was deeply inspired to pen something down. Dad and i were both watching the movie in silence and in shame. Not just shame to ourselves but also to everyone else out there, so blinded by the material. It's sad to see what our world has become and i do not mean to sound like a hopeless humanitarian or an impractical dreamer here as we all know how hard it is to survive out there. But will wealth alone suffice? We all see the terrible ordeals that modern capitalism has put us through. Even charity has become commercialised. It seems that we all have the tendency to complicate stuff don't we?

Once again, films like these and inspirational figures like that of Mother Teresa would always serve as a reminder that our world is so small, that all of us are indifferent. That is what we should advocate, instead of encouraging the provocation of wars and aimless argumentations. Ever heard of "Killing for peace is like fucking for chastity?"- 'Hearts in Atlantis' ~ Stephen King. Same theory for alot of things. Discrimination and most other social vices. Religions and race, all fabricated to bring about the division of mankind instead of the amalgamation of us human beings. No offense but isn't it all too socially induced? Religion and racial segregations i mean. Well, perhaps i speak of this in this manner because i am not subjected to any forms of religious beliefs, but sadly, i cannot escape the labelling of my colour and race. Maybe all of us find comfort in belonging someplace. Safe.

It's so hard, in fact, almost impossible, to live a life as dedicated to helping others, as that of Mother Teresa. I mean come on...who can say that they are close to being her? I would believe that there are people as kind as she is, who sees the inherent goodness of man. But society is vicious because it thrives on such untainted souls. Such denigration to those who truly care. Because of that, i truly admire her work. As i do with that of Nelson Mandela. Even respect is too small a word to be used. Because how many of us give without EVER bearing the thoughts of recieving? Nor display the highest form of altruism without heeding the criticisms of others who doesn't trust the innate kindness in mankind? Tough ainnit? They don't call her a living saint for nothing.

If you ever get the chance, do take some time off to watch the show. Maybe i am easily awed but it sure did serve to showcase a softer side of mankind. Come to think of it, i had so much angst in my previous entry and in alot of things that had happened. It all happens without you realising that there is so much more the world has to offer. Someone once said that i was too happy. Too optimistic. Maybe i do see the world through rose-tinted glasses but if it means that people are happy, so as i, then why the heck not? Not trying to sound all mushy and inspirational because after today, i might just drift back into our much detested reality. Just like the rest of us. But it never hurts to get inspired from time to time does it?

"Lord make me an instrument for peace. Where there is hatred, may i bring love. Where there is offence, forgiveness. Doubt, faith. Where there is desperation, may i bring hope. Where there is sadness, let me bring joy. Allow me to console rather than be consoled. To understand rather than to be understood. To love rather than to be loved. Because giving is recieving. Because it is in forgiveness that we are forgiven. It is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

~Mother Teresa~

she spoke at
6:35 PM

Ah bugger...school's gonna start in like 3 days!!! *growls* My entire hols just flew pass. *sniffles* In less than the blink of an eye. What is this? Sigh. As you can see, this entry is going nowhere except towards the adressing of the agonising pain of going back to school. Ok ok maybe not THAT painful. But still!!! No more slacking around, no more waking up late and sleeping at weird hours (msn kakis can attest to that) and guess what? Mr.Leong has already posted up homework. *in pain* How could he? Ah well, to some, this might not even seem like a chore. Ok here goes...We are suppose to *drum rolls* watch this year's NDP!!! Yeah. And explore it thru the sociological point of view. Hmmz. Not ashamed (err should i be ashamed?) to say that i don't usually bother about NDP parades. Yeah yeah anti patriot. Pretty bad huh? My family don't even bother to hang up our red and white. If S'pore were to have a law to execute those who don't, boy would you see us up in heaven (err i certainly hope not hell) Yeah so you have noticed.

I AM BLABBERING.

I wanted to post this up 2 days ago but my com crashed. So this (whatever’s written below) is kinda 2 days later. But since I already wrote it, I might as well just post it. Maybe it’ll make sense to some of you guys out there as well.

Is it innate that human beings are bad listeners because like what they all say, 'all man for himself'. So if selfishness is an inherent nature of man, then what is so surprising about people who refuse to listen right? Is it really so difficult for us to just open our ears without having to think about our own problems? For once? Can we just scream 'HALT' to the blabberings of the pathetic state of life we are in? Apparantly not. So tell me something...you expect understanding while we (the people whom you don't even listen to) deserve non? So who's to blame if things turn ugly? Where is the communication then? No i am not talking about mundane stuff like "How was your day", but things like "Why are you feeling this way?" It's always easy to deal with the hows and never the whys. Why? Because when why is revealed, unknown expectations arises and soon, more would be required of one to filled the void in between. At times, when no one says anything, everyone assumes.

Assume nothing. That's what i can say. Nothing is for sure. Ever heard of the phrase "Wisest is he who knows he knows nothing."

Does ignoring a problem and pretentious smiles make it all better?
No it fucking doesn't.

Why am i not surprised that egoism is the worst vice of human kind. And pride is often what drives us to do the things we hate. Things so pernicious that irrevocable damages are often inflicted. Things that tears the fabric apart more so than bringing it closer. Things that we only could have imagined it otherwise.

So does pretentious smiles make it all better?
No it fucking doesn't.

Or maybe.

Maybe there is still the forgiving nature in all of us. A virtue that nestles itself somewhere in our hearts? So perhaps those aren’t pretentious smiles or pretending that everything is ok. Maybe things are really ok. Maybe I believe in that.

Just blabbering AGAIN.

she spoke at
7:12 PM

*stretches* Just got back from Ubin. Yet another spectacular OG outing. *lol* Seriously man. How can the OG be so damn siao ons? Anyways only 3 of the freshies turned up but it was entertaining ebough. Yeah. We were suppose to visit some so-called famous places in Ubin. Chek Jawa, Cottage, Quarry yada yada...funny thing was, when we went up to the hightest point in Pulau Ubin, we were so busy nuaing and eating that we forgot to take pictures. So after trekking back down for about 5 mins, the *shit we forgot to take pictures* thought hit us and guess what? We turned back and trekked back up, only to spend another hour entertaining ourselves in a siao on phototaking session. Wahaha. Shall post some of the pix soon, esp Xudongs MDS.

MDS = Multiple death scenes. Okie now how did that happen? Okie...*rewinds tape* As u can see, Xudong, our dear freshie, has been associated with dying ever since he won the "Best Death Scene" award (for skit) during our FOC camp this year. *lol* Yeah and since then, we've made him "die" at every possible place. And today, it was Ubin. Someone was so on, he even got his shorts wet by waddling (sorta!) to a big rock at the Quarry. Haha. Wei yi shu xi sheng (**literal translation** sacrifice for the sake of culture) Yeah man. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Had a good laugh after that. Oh we even made him pose dead with a police tape around him. Machiam crime scene sia. Haha. Sheesh. See...this is what i mean by a siao ons OG. Way to go guys.

Went over to sheri's place to say hi. Damn. I love her bookcase. And i can tell you...Ailina and i were busying oursleves cleaning up all the dust in her room, packing her books and what nots. See...such nice ppl we all are. Haha. Damn girl. GO clean up your room already!!! So i guess you owe us one huh? Or at least i could still get my kiss? *grinz*

Yay!!! Shall be having FREE buffet this fri. *drools* Shall empty my stomach the night before. *bleh* Hahaha.

Now that i am so shagged out after kayaking and a whole day of cycling, i shall brace myself and get prepared to die in Lumbong tmr...*sniffles*

I am so tired. And my ass hurts. *ouch*

she spoke at
11:27 PM

This is dedicated to all those who appreciate the beauty of Lindsay Lohan...*smiles* As promised. Here's another chio pix. (For more check out http://www.lindsay-lohan.org)

After dinner...

Dad: "Eh can touch this or not?" (points to ceiling of the walkway near my house)
Me: "Can....." (reaches out to touch ceiling)
Dad: (to mom) "You leh?"(pulls mom's hands up and pretends to try damn hard to touch ceiling)
Me: DADDY...u are so mean!!!
Mom: (sacarstically) Nevermind nevermind. Tall very big deal meh?

Yeah. *gwaffles* it's not as funny written down but classic if you had witness the entire thing. My parents...there you go. Same thing happened yst.

Dad: "Girl ah nowadays you don't join us outside already ah? Come back straightaway go to your room. Must spend time with us mah. Next time old already sure chuck us one side one right? (Blabber blabber blabber...)"
Mom: (whispers) Tonight sit outside and watch abit of tv with us lah.
Me: (nods)

Shortly after i finished checking my bidding stuff, i went out in hopes to join them for a lil "family get-togther" and guess what? Both of them were zzzping. Great huh?
Sheesh. Parents. Oh anyways...went kayaking today. Wahahaha. At long last. Weather was good. BUT only for the better half of the afternoon. Then it started pouring and we were all caught in the storm. Yikes. It was quite freaky to have had the storm creeping up from behind. Quite an experience man. First time kayaking in such conditions. Greggy waggy and kat's xiao de both cap-ed and it was damn scary lah, doing rescue in the stormy sea. Thankfully we didn't go to gay beach. If not...damn it could have been worse. M burnt at the cheeks now. *ouch*

Gonna be cycling at Ubin tmr. Hurray. I feel fit already. *growls* Bring it on baby!!!

*sings* Friday shall be official kayaking day if nothing goes wrong. Too bad greg's free day is not friday. Short of one kaki liaoz. Only left with jj, candice, kat n i. Heez. But nvm...that'll do!!!

Tired.

she spoke at
10:27 PM

she spoke at
2:11 AM