A Perfected World

Thursday, April 26, 2007

There is a fine line between doing what is right
& doing what you think is right.
Times where you know that no longer are you able
to do the things that you could.
It all drips from a gaping hole.
In a stream of dark crimson.
You can't contain. You can't hold it in.
There is only that much that you have left.

It's not a choice. It's a repercussion.

And you know that no matter what.
You've been there. You've done that.
No longer. Not anymore.

If happiness is always an option,
then why are certain choices made otherwise?

she spoke at
10:33 AM

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

When we are born we cry that we are come
To this great stage of fools.

~King Lear~

And you are my fool as i am yours.

she spoke at
12:25 PM

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

According to a certain someone, i have a horny aircon.
Simply because it is currently dripping (wet).
And apparantly it got it from blowing & sucking on air.
Uh huh. Right...
Like seriously? A HORNY aircon?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!
This has given inanimate objects a whole new meaning.

And a worthy mention of the birth of a new favourite word: FORNY!
Alright folks...no prize for guessing what Forny means.
If Fugly is Fugly, then Forny is Forny.

Alright i am blabbering again.
And there really is nothing better than a good laugh after work.
Along with surprise calls from friends.
Suddenly things are quite what you thought they were.
Sometimes even better.

Anyway here's a little random something that i love from Love Actually.
(from a short car scene between colin firth & this portugese lady)

(in english) It's my favourite time of day...driving you.
(in portugese) It's the saddest part of my day, leaving you.

Isn't it beautiful to know that love transcends everything?
And yes.
We all do feel like how they do in movies.
Just sometimes.

What a feeling in my soul.
Love burns brighter than sunshine.
Brighter than sunshine.
If the rain falls i don't care.
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine.
You're brighter than sunshine.
You're brighter than sunshine.

Emo.

she spoke at
11:31 PM

Monday, April 23, 2007

Seventy-four minutes of black and white stream of consciousness confusion and intrigue.
Lukas Moodysson continues to test his audience and disrupt cinematic convention.

~ Channel4.com ~

It all happened when i chanced upon a synopsis of this movie in the SIFF booklet.
Container touches on God, sex, identity and just about everything else in between.
Container may well be the most challenging, opinion-dividing film you'll find at this festival.
I was completely sold.

So there it was, a whole hour of monologue
B&W images of filth, destruction & ravioli (along with other random images)
A certain sense of surrealism evoked through cinematography.
And the disturbing silence of nothingness.
(this is aside to the creaking sound of chairs and footsteps
of the many who got up to leave halfway through the show)

What i gathered was an entire forray of dialogues & questions
that we possibly ask ourselves everyday.

Fame. Public image. Sexual identity crisis. Jaded-ness. Caged.
God. Blasphemy. Consummerism. Crazed obsession over pop culture.
Rebirth. Filth. Pain. Death. Life. The world destroyed by men. Love. Money.
Invasion of privacy. Public scrutiny. Gossips. Isolation. Emptiness.

"Have you ever had these feelings before? And how do you deal with them?" - Container

And i guess the entire experience narrowed to the conclusive nature of perspectives.
I am sad / I hate myself (as it began) became I am happy / I am no longer afraid (as it ended)
The idea "Container" was aptly portrayed with the re-use of images.
I loved how the entire show was cyclical.
The beginning was how it ended.
We are all stuck in this never ending circle - contained.
All social animals afraid of what the outside sees.
And to be free, we have to stop being our own worse critics.

My views.
Mere abstractions.

And for my dear friend Bings who left the cinema as perplexed as everyone else.
This following sentence could possibly sum up your avant-garde cinematic experience.

Whether it's fascinatingly good or fascinatingly bad is a moot point, however.
Nothing about this film is certain.
Everything provokes a question.

~Channel4.com~

she spoke at
11:13 AM

Friday, April 20, 2007

Been in a ranting mood recently.
Just alot of words.
Random. Fabricated.
Nothing much really.

And this is SO funny.
Sinfest is a genius work of comic art.
Karyn & her Emo God/Goth God.
I love them too! And yeah...the Devil God & Uber Atheist.
www.sinfest.net
Enjoy.

Saw a lightning streak across the sky yesterday night.
(did i ever mention i love horizontal lightnings)
I vaguely remember what i said to you.
But in my drift i was still able to draft a lil' random something.
You flashed,
across the darkened sky.
In a moment.
Powerful. Evokative.
Feared yet revered with an awe(ful) cringe,
enthralled by your beauty.
Of one we try so hard to capture.
only to crawl behind your quick reflex
Watching you fall silent.
Into the depths of nocturnal.

And there was that funny conversation about smells.
A sweet addiction.
Would you really want me if i smelt bad?
What if you smelt as bad as i did?
Now that's a thought!
Till then, there's always boxers, pillows, beds & shirts.
And falling asleep with 'tele' in one hand.
With frantic callings at the other end.
Only to find that one's already in deep slumber.
Then hanging up with a sweet smile.

Only thing i wish is for the week to end.
And for a new week to begin.
Then having the power, to hold the hands of time.
So that all that is beautiful will never cease.

Tu es tres belle. J'taime beaucoup.
Simply because that's what you are.

she spoke at
10:34 AM

Thursday, April 19, 2007

You read. You realise.
That no longer are the rainbows and butterflies.

The subtlety of life and it's wonders.

And random conversations resounds in your head.
Intrigued by a stranger.
And a song plays itselfs over and over.
A safe pulsate.
And you wonder where everyone is.
You'll see.
That everyone was right where they are.

You're the fleeting shadow.

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love does not mean leaning
and company does not always mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts
and presents are not promises

And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in flight
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much

So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn
with every goodbye you learn

~ After A While by Veronica A. Shoffstall ~

Yeah.

She said by the end of the night i will make your brains melt.
I really felt my brain metaphorically dripping.

How would that really feel?

This heart heaves as time unwinds.
You are but a mere footstep.
Lurking behind. But never definite.
A non-existential sound.
Of a following that haunts and lingers.
You. You aren't even there.

Feel.

she spoke at
10:14 AM

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Articulation of thoughts or the lack thereof.
Tainted.
Of those who know not.
And too much.

I respect you.
I've struggled with it my whole life.
People-pleaser. Notwithstanding.
Unfeeling or feeling fake?

Push me.
Stop. Walk.
Then fly me a kite.
But please don't let me go.

In the light of the sun, is there anyone?
Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost,
eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed...

She said...
you don't know me, you don't even care,
She said...
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed,
carry all your thoughts across an open field,
when flowers gaze at you...
they're not the only ones who cry when they see you

you said...
you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said i think i'll go to boston...
i think i'll start a new life,
i think i'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
i'll get out of california, i'm tired of the weather,
i think i'll get a lover and fly 'em out to spain...

i think i'll go to boston, i think that i'm just tired
i think i need a new town, to leave this all behind...
i think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset,
i hear it's nice in the summer,
some snow would be nice...
boston...no one knows my name...
no one knows my name...
no one knows my name...
boston...no one knows my name...

Brillance.

she spoke at
3:59 PM

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Got a surprise call from Down Under.
S called and put Chris on the line!!!
Hahaha.
How cool to have your gf meeting your bud...
All the way in Sydney!!!

Was randomly using google image search and guess what i found?
And no i did NOT type in the word 'sex'.
Somebody sweep me off to Hotel Sexus.
Oooh...sexy...

And then there is that.
Progression.

Want you to know you make me happy
Want you to know you make me sad
Want you to know you make me happy
You are the best thing that i ever had

Simplicity at it's finest.

And again.
Friday is always a good day.

she spoke at
11:10 PM

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Interesting stuff there. Hurhur.
Very true. Very true.

Anyway...here's introducing a new member of the family...

EVERYONE SAY HELLO TO LUCKY!!!

Today was a fab day to catch up with the old friends.
(Thanks Jo for getting out of bed!)
Just bumming around, talking about love, sex, morals, life and God (haha!)
What a great feeling.
And sometimes you wonder if anyone else thinks like we do.

PHANTOM IS TMR!!!
The Phantom awaits your presence...

she spoke at
9:25 PM

Was reading a friend’s blog and stumbled upon this very interesting entry.
Apparently someone friendster-ed her this so i decided to give it a shot as well.

'feel like saying something? get if off your chest. say something to ten people, the most honest and heartfelt msg. do not leave a name, if it's meant to be, they will know it for them. partners not included.'

Haha...so i guess i shall leave the partner out then though i did have an entry for her.

1. Dear you, whom I will take a bullet for any day. From the very first time I saw you, I knew our paths were meant to cross. Till this day, I have yet to be proven wrong. That instant spark, that immediate connection, where else will I ever find that? The most non-judgemental, warm, unassuming, understanding, big-hearted person I have ever met. My mountain. My soul mate. My geek. My could-have-been girlfriend (haha). You’re one that I never would ever want to lose. Not in this lifetime.

2. Dear you, I sometimes wonder what the hell happened between us. Till this day, I still can’t quite explain the emotions that were running through my mind that night. But I don’t think there’s the need to anymore. I came to realise that after so long, I still talk to you like how I use to. And that is all that matters.

3. Dear you, I was quite unsettled by the initial shock when you told me you might ‘see me differently’ now that things has changed. But I am still the same old person you met 4 years ago. I know we haven’t been in touch much since I left. But I do miss all those time spent together. Still fondly remember the days where everyone thought you were my other half. (‘Are you, are you?’) That was hilarious. We should really touch base again.

4. Dear you, I don’t think I’ve ever told you and I don’t think I ever will.

5. Dear you, I use to think that it was a waste that we could have been. And sometimes I feel that what we have now doesn’t quite do us justice.

6. Dear you, just the other day, I was reading the letters you wrote me. And I cried. Not because I was sad, but because I was overwhelmed. I knew that I had meant a lot to you and it amazes me to see how anyone could care so deeply and unconditionally for someone else. It is beyond me to be someone like that and I truly admire that quality in you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there all the time and that I probably didn’t treat you as well as you deserved. Things were rather different then. But we stuck through it all and I am glad we are where we are now. I think the most crazy-interesting relationship in this lot lies with you. It has to be.

7. Dear you, I want to learn to live without your shadow. I need to know that I am who I am and not who you want me to be. I don’t think you deserve this but neither do i.

8. Dear you, after that long, you’re bound to have a spot in here. I will never forget how we use to hang out like ALL the time. And I still am glad to have you in my life. It’s nice to know that no matter how long, we will always be able to take off from where we stopped. Although i still can’t believe the crush I use to have on you. That was, come to think of it, rather silly. But you know I’ll always have that soft spot for you.

9. Dear you, I wish I could tell you everything. But I can’t because I am afraid. One day I will hope for you to know that I am still the same girl you’ve always known. You are my greatest strength.

10. Dear you, I never really got to spend time with you and that is really quite a shame.

So do you want to dear me?

she spoke at
12:12 AM

Friday, April 06, 2007

Sending the polo guys off was kind of an unexpected coincedence.
Pretty damn funny how they were trying to smoke their way through check-in
with a feeble attempt to convince the officer that the kayaks were actually surfboards.
Erm guys...like there's was a 'Kayak Plus' sticker on the boats.
Lol. Apparantly that was what some other team did & told them to do.
Thankfully the kayaks were light and managed to squeeze their way on board.
Good luck guys!!! And have fun!!!

Got a surprise call from an old friend. :)
"I can't believe i first met you when i was 17!"
Hurhur. Time flies huh? Can't believe i haven't seen you in erm...A YEAR!
And just look at where we are now.
I guess things turned out a hell lot different from what we thought it would didn't it?
Anyway, a long conversation from the airport back home lead to
A SHOCKING REVELATION!
We have proudly found ourselves - an almost complete gay team.
Damn. (ALMOST!)
8 outta 9 is a decent enough number indeed.
And suddenly, you realise that you do miss a certain part of what use to be your life.

Bun Bun. Bun Luck (thanks ah baby -_-"). Miracle. LUCKY (final choice - very literal)
Dad and i have decided to name the bunny LUCKY! (for obvious reasons...)
According to a 'very reliable source' (haha) sick rabbits normally don't get well easily.
Not to mention a rabbit in critical condition. (COMA mind you!)
Hence, LUCKY is one lucky bundle of white furball!!!
And i shall hereby deploy you as my official personal rabbit trainer!
Thanks for offering to bring LUCKY back with me.
And what a coincedence you use to work there! Singapore is too damn small.

Well...to top off the exciting day, a simple 'i forgot my keys' moment
lead to 1 & 1/2 hours of sitting outside one's gate with a laptop in hand
And an eyeful of old MSN conversations.
Of fond memories and silly thoughts.
I'm glad i found you. And you. And you. And you.
With a phone call that said "girl, let's go to the koptiam for drinks!"
The night ended with a blast!
Nothing short of goodness. Personified.

So the plane leaves...
With a gentle wave and a heartfelt smile.
XOXOXO

she spoke at
1:01 AM

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Thanks Karyn. But i don't think i deserve that title (yet!)
Hahaha.

Today is a good day!

1st message i got from Vy this morning:
"spca gal..how's the labbit!"

The rabbit is doing great! She's chomping on carrots & veges!
Yippee!!!

To think i was told that she might not make the night yst.
And even had to pay for cremation fees (just in case)
So it turns out, that this poor abandoned thing was dehydrated & starved.
Thank god mom told me about the 3 rabbits that she saw being dumped downstairs.
"Wo Mama Jiao Wo Diu De" (my mama told me to throw them) replied the 'dumper'.

Bloody CHEE BYE owners.
How about i starve YOUR kids & THROW them out huh?

So we took her up, showered her and tried to give it food.
Which obviously failed cuz her condition was too critical.
Hence followed a crazy midnight drive to James Tan Veterinary Clinc & $120.
(Thanks dad. You rock!)

A life was saved today. :)
And it is SO worth the while.

Randomness.

I shake my head at the mere thoughts of it.
It appalls me.
And i reckon it will continue to down the road.
It's probably harder for you than it is for me.
Jaded-ness, my friend, is the ultimate vice.
But at the end of it all.
You know, that not all things comes to good ends.
To have an ending is a blessing in itself.
Someone told me about 5 years ago, maybe 6.
Too fuzzy. Too long ago.
"It's not an ending i would like. But it is an end."
And i thank you for that.

Enough of that.

No time for painful partings.
Just plenty of sweet nothings.

she spoke at
9:59 AM

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

If you ain't got no money take yo'broke ass home
You say: If you ain't got no money take yo'broke ass home
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

she has got a frikken hot bod.

Haha. Listening to music nowadays really gets you nowhere.
Fergie Ferg HAS got a good tune or two. (dumb lyrics - who gives a shit really?)
And i actually sat through a FOB vid on MTV yst night.
Righttttt. This ain't a scene, its a god damn arms race.
But what the hell...Pete Wentz IS cute.

How come everytime you come around,
My London, London bridge, wanna go down like,

Feel like clubbing.
Need a drink or two. (a good beer sounds so good right now...)
All that funk-ass music on radio is so not helping. (& someone's blog)
Never been a party animal myself. (yes karyn...on the contrary to what you think)
Just give me a beer and peanuts @ any random kopitiam. Woot!
(Half K - We should do that sometime!)

and i've got me one of those cool Erdinger glasses at home!

Caught the trailer to Sunshine yst. (Marc?)
28 days later + Event Horizon? Sounds like good shit.

Too many good releases coming up. Too little cash.
Just splurged like a fortune on King Lear tickets!
$250 each. Whoa.
But for Ian, Lear and Mr. Shakes.
Why the hell not?
Gotta go bond with my Lear text once again.
"I am a man. More sinned against than sinning."

Blogging, listening to love stories and working at the same time.
My salvation.

8 days will fly by in the blink of an eye.
And don't you worry. I'll be nice.
*winks*

she spoke at
11:12 AM

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

And so i haven't blogged in a long while.

It's been a performance-going, settlements-settling, account-closing, break-ups,
emotional, clinic-going, drinks-craving, weffriddles-gaming & dog-sitting month.
Theatre idol. The Observatory. Titoudao. TMNT. Sistic Chalet. Zouk. Cosy Bay.
NURLO NURLO NURLO (f*** that shit!). Jean. MSN-bitching. Severe PMS.
March has been nothing less than hectic.

And yes yes.
Our dear Jean came back to stay with us for like almost 6 days!!!
And of course a tough decision on our part to keep her over the weekend.
But she is such a darling.
Well...easy for me to say since she's not exactly staying with me.
I just flash my visitor pass from time to time. Haha.
Thanks for taking such good care of her.
Your committment amazes me. It still does.

Did i mention my near-fainting spell on sunday?
Oh and that body-aching weakness spell on friday night?
I think i scared her shitless. (Sorry.)
I was scared too.
And i am FINALLY getting that scar tissue removed.
Can't believe i flipped when mom told me how big it got.
As you can tell. Procrastination does you no good.
Thankfully it is benign. (well...obviously)
*rethinks if tatoo-ing is now a good idea*
What if my skin-rots or i get some strange disease?
Ah...screw that shit for now.

Maybe there's just too much going on.
And the spoiled-rotten me simply don't know how to stop.
I will take the time to sit and home and rot my ass off
and watch the long overdue Grey's & Prison Break.

Sheri's headed to Bali with Mr. H.
How cool is that!
Gonna be looking forward to 1929.
Life can be good.

And i really enjoy randomness. (thanks chris!)

Been stalking a blog recently.
Her lil' stories has become my reading pleasure.
Gosh. I feel like a voyuer.
Don't ask why i am just drawn to her blog.

I need to run.
I want an ice-cold beer.
I need to sleep.
I want to learn to live without your shadow.
I need to know that i am who i am.

Thanks Al & PK for coming all the way to woodlands yst.
I know it can be pretty out of the way. ^^

And she's leaving in 2 days time for Sydney.
I will miss you!

she spoke at
11:18 AM