is something that i quote from a dear friend of mine.

My half k...you deserve all the credits in this one line. Interestingly, i just read a chinese poem by fishy that had vaguely the same idea. Although it was written in chinese, the beauty of it all was that it was so. I might just pen it down when i actually get down to d/l-ing chinese word processor. Ha.

And according to a friend of sheri's...

Men don't gossip. They just call it a transfer of information.
Lol.

Just got back from giving Candy her belated bday gift. A full body massage. Like how cool is that! And poor ailina didn't get her pedi done (sorry girl!)

Came back for a project meeting but turned out that no one was prepared and not everyone was around. And so it was postponed. To the second day of CNY. What nonsense. Who gives us work to do during CNY? *sniffs*

But as compared to people who have to study for tests on Valentine's day (what if you missed out on a HOT date???) like some of the few i know. *nudge nudge* And to a particular mugger...i am most certainly not gonna spend V day studying with you. Wahaha.

Anyway...m not exactly looking forward to tmr's shiong training. Not that i am complaining or anything. But yeah...the old injury is coming back to haunt me. *shudder*

And a friend of mine (after showing him my training programme tmr) told me this...

.: uGene :. says:
hmmz... Type 2A muscles training i believe
= BoNeZ= Without love, anger or sorrow, breath is just a clock ticking... says:
huh?
.: uGene :. says:
Type 2A = burst type muscles... needed for substained release of high enegry... which i think it's critical in ur sport.
= BoNeZ= Without love, anger or sorrow, breath is just a clock ticking... says:
hmmm...interesting
.: uGene :. says:
haha... yeah... i mean u must know what ur training does in order to be convinced to train right?
.: uGene :. says:
or else how to convince ur mind to break the percieved limit...

I didn't know that. So dearest teammates, we are working on type 2A muscles!!! Let's rumble!!!

Been particularly tired these days. Must be PMS.
And you know how i know so?
Becuz when all else fails...
Blame it on PMS!!!

she spoke at
11:46 PM

Nicholas Sparks is a what i call a sappy writer. But he's so good at it, he has a huge list of bestsellers and they made a movie that never fails to make me cry.

Talk about cashing in on emotionally sappy people like yours truly.

Just caught "A Walk to Remember" again recently. And i swear this is the greatest love story ever told. Of course, what came close to being another major tear-jerker was his other book "The Notebook". *swoons* The love that was shared between Landon and Jamie is so amazingly pure...unconditional...it really makes it seem as though love conquers all...even death. *swoons* And when i get married, i will make sure that verse 13 of 1 Corinthians is being read...

Here's a little something i so loved from the movie. It never fails to move me. Especially in rainy days like these...

It's gonna be me baby
It's gonna you baby

Time I've been patient for so long
How can I pretend to be so strong?

Looking at you baby
Feeling it too baby
If I’m asking you to hold me tight
then it’s gonna be all right

[Chorus]
It’s gonna be Love
It’s gonna be great
It’s gonna be more then I can take
It’s gonna be free
It’s gonna be real
It’s gonna change everything I feel
It’s gonna be sad
It’s gonna be true
It’s gonna be me baby
It’s gonna be you baby
It’s gonna be...Its gonna be Love

Time am I restless or a fool?
How can you pretend to be so cruel?
Maybe it’s me baby
Maybe it's true baby
Maybe it's everything were dreaming of
We waited long enough

[Chorus]
It's gonna be Love
It’s gonna be great
It’s gonna be more then I can take
It’s gonna be free
It’s gonna be real
It’s gonna change everything I feel
It’s gonna be sad
It’s gonna be true
It’s gonna be your the one to do
It’s gonna be me baby
It’s gonna be you baby

The sooner you let two hearts beat together
The sooner you know this love is forever

It’s gonna be love

Love needs time now or never

It's gonna be love

You really got to believe
It's gonna be strong enough

[Chorus]
Its gonna be Love
It’s gonna be great
It’s gonna be more then I can take
It’s gonna be free
It’s gonna be real
It’s gonna change everything I feel
It’s gonna be sad
It’s gonna be true
It’s gonna be your the one to do
It’s gonna be hard
It's gonna be tough
It’s gonna be more then just enough
It’s gonna be Love

It’s gonna be Love

It’s gonna be sad
It’s gonna be true
It’s gonna be me baby
It’s gonna be you baby

It’s gonna be me baby
It’s gonna be you

It’s gonna be real
It’s gonna be Love

I don't understand. Perhaps i never did.

Fake it till you make it.
Does it work really?

she spoke at
11:09 PM

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Howie Day's "Collide."
One of the best songs of 2005.
Bringing with it a flood of memories.
Memories that seem so distant yet so darn close.

Recieved a hillarious message from a friend today. Well...at least i thought it was funny.

"Kossy i swear i'll not take up any office jobs. Fight corporate jungle! Lol."
(if we can dear, i am sure alot of us would. Isn't it scary to become among the faceless crowd in the CBD?)

The same friend also gave me a great quote from this Christian Bale show "Equlibrium".

"Without love, anger or sorrow, breath is just a clock ticking."

Is yours ticking?

she spoke at
9:53 PM

she spoke at
12:00 AM

"Bravery. For better or for worse, men usually give it up after adolescence. Well, it's not really bravery at all, is it? It's a kind of childish pride that we, as a society, tend to idealise. We imbue our screen heroes with it, this 'cool'. And isn't it seductive - this apparent absence of vulnerability? It works. Don't women want to be desired by someone who doesn't feel pain, who isn't afraid?

But it's an act. Anybody who doesn't want or need something is dead. And anyone who does need something can be hurt. They can be afraid. We teach men this act, to perform it all the time. And subsequent to their emancipation, women now have to pretend too."

~Seven Types of Ambiguity~

Did i mention how much i am loving this book? Barely a fifth through and i am already so intrigued. A rare read indeed.

Yesterday.
I learnt that...

There is such a thing known as alcohol-induced bravery.
It wasn't as hard as i thought it was.
Gone is now what reeked of ambiguity and uncertainty.
Finally an explanation seeked for the unsettling displeasure.
That dervived from the lack of clarity and motives.

Liberation!

And kudos to that fine line that lies between stupidity and bravery.

*waiting for hair dye to set in*

she spoke at
11:35 PM

she spoke at
12:52 AM

It's official...

Love is in the air.
Too much!!!
Everyone i know is getting involved with someone.
Or getting attached for that matter.

All in the span of the past 3 months.
Whoa.
Just found out about another couple today.
2 sneaky fellas.
Even my ex-manager got tricked under his very nose.
And yes...
Pretty much confirmed another piece of news.
That one i guessed and deduced.
Interesting.
Would really like to have heard it from the horse's mouth tho.

Now it leaves the poor lonely souls on a cold lifeless night.

Forgive the melodrama.
*puts hand on forehead*

Wherefore art thou?

Everyone's bummed out about the weather.

And in times like these, heartfelt conversations are the best.
To a friendship that took many years to forge...
And a past that took a long time to forget...
Says he...

Life is white and I am black...Jesus and his lawyer are coming back. says:
and in the big scheme of what it means to be friends...
Life is white and I am black...Jesus and his lawyer are coming back. says:
it's about the present and the future.
Life is white and I am black...Jesus and his lawyer are coming back. says:
the past is overrated babe...
Life is white and I am black...Jesus and his lawyer are coming back. says:
overrated.

Cheers to the future!
And be gone oh foul weather!

she spoke at
1:20 AM

is...

the title of my current read.

Reckon that this following extract is close to the heart of yours as it does mine.

"There's the ambiguity of human relationships, for instance. A relationship between two people, just like a sequence of words, is ambiguous if it is open to different interpretations. And if two people do have differing views about their relationship - i don't just mean about its state, i mean about its very nature - then that difference can affect the entire course of their lives."

On a lighter note...

Hasn't anyone realized how disgusting the new 'i-gallop' machine from OSIM looks? (i sure know joey has...) Was at a mall today and saw a heck load of kids riding it. There...even a simply adjective is open to such sexual innuendos. What in the world were the innovators thinking? Maybe its a sutble way to market sex toys openly and mask them behind a pseudo consumer market of slimming products, which is essentially what the whole world is going gaga over with today. Whussup with that anyway? Sheesh. I quote foamy on this one cuz no one else puts it better than he or it does. "If you are a fat bastard, be a fat bastard. If you're skinny, fine! Be a twig."

Got a long pretty skirt from mom today. Long and flowy...so pretty.

And yeah...CONGRATULATIONS team 1 for making it to the RIVER!!! Cheers!!!

Time for bed...
Gallops away...
Wahahaha...

she spoke at
1:42 AM

HELLO again everyone!!! It's 2006!
Right...this might be a lil late but who cares! Ha.

The new year always seem to mark a time where you start to reflect on the happenings of the past year. Call it a yearly review or plain horseshit but i'm gonna try and do it anyway. Not a usual fan of penning such entries. But well...there's always a first to everything!!! Ha.

Crazy things i've (learnt/done/said/felt) in 2005

It was a pretty kickass start to the new year of 2005 when email confrontations during festive season serves to be a real pain that dampens everything that could have been merry. Yeah sure...it forces the skeletons out of your closet. But also know that the truth is awfully painful. Yet again. You know that having faith and hanging on to what you think is worth will eventually make things better. It has. Although there are still ups and downs. Keeping each other in the heart no matter what happens IS the most important thing of all.

And speaking of pain, 2005 was an injury-prone year.
Busted knee.
Strained wrist.
Chronic backache.
Abdomen contusion.
All for the lack of will and intellect to stop when enough is enough.

You realize that trying too hard is a formula for 99.9% failure.
Trying to live up to expectations and avoiding disppointments will result in nothing but pent up anger, fatigue and a road that leads to nowhere.
You see that in trying to make people happy, you hurt them more when they see you trying too hard.
And things always go wrong when you try to hard.

Hence...learning to say NO was the greatest lesson ever learnt.

On the contrary, perseverence is a virtue.
For polo...
I had the privilege to play with the most awesome team ever.
Every stroke is desperation.
Every ball is ours.
That motto is ours to keep.
And our name will resound in the distant memories of a near future.
A chance was bestowed upon us in an SP game.
We played it during nationals.
And it was perfect.
It took me a year to learn how to shoot the right way.
I finally saw light during a training camp that proved to be a significant turning point of a very bad 1st half of the year.
I also learnt that first impressions can be so wrong.
And advices from whom you care about can make you so strong.

Patience can also make a seemingly impossible friendship pull through.
Although it took 5 years.
It was well worth.
Some other friendship were forged in a few months.
But moving on too quickly proved to be a mess.

1st half of the year was bad.
So bad.
Didn't know that losing something from a special person can affect you so bad.
And moving the home to a foreign place is such a major decision.
Too much haste.
Thankfully nothing has been concrete.
Really hoping we won't end up on streets.
But thank god someone was there to hug you to sleep.
During the period of an emotional void.
Probably the best feeling you can ever get.
So comforting on top of all the problems already in your head.

School was great in the second half.
Although i got my 1st C+.
First half of the year i spent busying myself feeling bad.
She was doing all the work and i felt so helpless just watching her slog through the nights just to get us a good grade.
It was painful to watch.
But i'm sure we had fun.

Started to work in the second half.
And managed time well.
Finances and emotions.
And everything else.

Life was never since then - a fullstop.

So 2005 was a physical, mental and emotional roller coaster ride.

It's scary how you can sometime tread on the very fine line between sanity and otherwise.
It's freaky how you can cry so hard you start trembling.
You wail in desperation for someone to pull you out of an emotional blackhole.
When it takes a toil on you, it really doesn't let go.
I finally broke in july 2005.
I cried for 2 whole hours i thought i was mad.
Locked myself up in the loo.
And there was nothing mom and dad could do.
It was liberating nonetheless.
All that was bad finally came to a rest.

You also learn that...

Old flames do come back to haunt you.
And platonic relationships does not exist.
Playing with fire will get you burnt.
And there will be a time where you can no longer see the line that draws between reality and lies.
It is possible to fall for 2 person at the same time.
But whether or not those feelings are true is another thing altogether.
You often mistake physicality for something speical.
Don't we all?
Seeing too much of someone will also make you sway.
But not seeing anyone is not a solution either.
Silence will make you regret sometimes but time heals everything.
Sometimes you are better off friends.
Soulmates do exist.
And you can never fend off chemistry.
It's a mysterious force that f***s with your heart and screws with your mind.
But it could lead to what we mere mortals know as bliss.

Watching all your loved ones leave with a significant other is a bundle of mixed emotions.
The supertitious you chooses to believe that bad karma is unavoidable.

But then...
I saw how much they all still cared.
And how much i love them too.

This year i've witnessed some of the best birthdays ever.
And i've also experienced one myself.

A parent's love is really unconditional.
But sometimes they can get so irrational.
The past will come back to slap you in the face.
And i know that i am bias when i try to protect her from harm.

I don't know why i'm trying to rhyme.
Must have been all the great books i've read this year.
It's amazing what they can teach you.
And the advices they give.

Read.
Listen to your heart.
Learn to say NO.
Know that they care.
And show them you do.
Club.
It's good therapy.
Guys are great pals.

I shall leave you with a little something from The L Word 2. An excerpt of a dialogue that i really adore. And of course it has to come from my favourite character in the show. For more reasons than just her good looks.
Shane: It's been 16 years since my last confession.
Priest: And what brought you here tonight?
Shane: Everyone wants something from me and i don't think i feel like i have anymore to give.
(a load of other dialogues)
Shane: The thing i like about confession is you don't have to see the other person's face. And you don't have to see how hurt they are when they realize that you can't be that thing that they want you to be,
Priest: You might find that there are people who don't want anything from you. They just want to know you.

Those are the best advice from 2005.

So here's the start to a brand new year!
Let's kick some ass!!!

she spoke at
1:22 AM