"Then he told me about something else that really frightened me.
In 1971, a group of researchers at Stanford University in California,
decided to create a stimulated prison in order to study the psychology
of interrogations. They selected twenty-four student volunteers and
divided them into 'guards' and 'crimnals'. 'After just one week, they had to
stop the experiment. The 'guards' - girls and boys with normal decent values,
from nice families - had become real monsters. The use of torture had become
routine and the sexual abuse of 'prisoners' was seen as normal. The students
who took part in the project, both 'guards' and 'crimnals', suffered major traumas
and needed long-term medical help, and the experiment was never repeated.'
'Interesting.''What do you mean interesting? I'm talking about something of real importance:
man's capacity to do evil whenever he's given the chance. I'm talking about my
work, about things i've learned!'
'That's what i found interesting. Why are you getting so angry?''Angry? How could i possibly get angry with someone who isn't paying the slightest
bit of attention to what i'm saying? How can i possibly be angry with someone who
isn't even provoking me, who's just lying there, staring into space?'
'How much did you have to drink tonight''You don't even know the answer to that, do you? I've been by your side all evening.
and you've no idea whether i've had anything to drink or not! You only spoke to me
when you wanted me to confirm something you had said or when you needed me to
tell some flattering story about you!'
'Look, i've been working all day and i'm exhausted. Why don't you come to bed and sleep? We can talk in the morning.''Because i've been doing this for weeks and months, for the last two years in fact!
I try to have a conversation, but you're always tired, so we say, all right,
we'll go to sleep and talk tomorrow. But tomorrow, there are always other things to do,
another day of work and publisher's suppers, so we say, all right, we'll go to sleep and
talk tomorrow. That's how i'm spending my life, waiting for the day when i can have
you by my side again, until i've had my fill, that's all i ask, to create a world where i can
always find refuge if i need it: not so far away that i can't be seen to be having an
independent life, and not so close that it looks as if i'm invading your universe.'
'What do you want me to do? Stop working? Give up everything we've struggled so hardto achieve and go off on a cruise to the Caribbean? Don't you understand that i enjoywhat i'm doing and haven't the slightest intention of changing my life?''In your books you talk about the importance of love, the need for adventure, the joy
of fighting for your dreams. And who do i have before me now? Someone who doesn't
read what he writes. Someone who confuses love with convenience, adventure with taking
unneccesary risks, joy with obligations. Where is the man i married, who used to listen
to what i was saying?'
'Where is the woman i married?''You mean the one who always gave you support, encouragement and affection?
Her body is here, looking out at the Singel canal in Amsterdam, and she will, i believe,
stay with you for the rest of her life. But that woman's soul is standing at the door
ready to leave.'
'But why?''Because of those three wretched words: "we'll talk tomorrow."
Isn't that enough? If not, just consider that the woman you married was excited about life,
full of ideas and joy and desires, and is now rapidly turning into a housewife.'
'That's ridiculous.''Of course it is! It's nonsense! A trifle, espeically considering we have everything we
could possibly want. We're very fortunate, we have money, we never discuss any little
flings we might have, we never have jealous rages. Besides, there are millions of children
in the world starving to death, there are wars, diseases, hurricane, tragedies happening
every second. So what can i possibly have to complain about?'
'Do you think we should have a baby?''That's how all couples i know resolve their problems - by having a baby!'
You're the one who has always prized your freedom and put off having children for later on.
Have you really changed your mind?'
'i think the time is right.''Well, in my opinion, you couldn't be more wrong! I don't want your child. I want a child
by the man i knew, who had dreams, who was always by my side. If i ever do become
pregnant, it will be by someone who understands me, keeps me company, listens to me,
who truly desires me!'
'You have been drinking. Look i promise, we'll talk tomorrow, but, please, come to bed now.I'm tired.''All right, we'll talk tomorrow. And if my soul, which is standing at the door, does decide to
leave, i doubt it'll affect our lives very much.'
'Your soul won't leave.''You used to know my soul very well, but you haven't spoken to it for years, you don't know
how much it has changed, how
desperately it's begging you to listen. Even to banal topics
of conversation, like experiments at American universities.'
'If your soul has changed so much, how come you're the same?''Out of cowardice. Because i genuinely think that tomorrow we
will talk.
Because everything we've built together and which i don't want to see destroyed.
Or for that worst of all possible reason, because i've simply given up.'
'That's just what you've been accusing me of doing.''You're right. I looked at you thinking it was you i was looking at, but the truth is
i was looking at myself. Tonight i'm going to pray with all my might and all my faith
and ask God not to let me spend the rest of my days like this.'
~The Zahir by Paulo Cohelo~Brillant chapter from one of my favourite authors.
Just brilliant.Thanks Kim for the great book!
