A Perfected World

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

It's freaky when you read a novel at this precise moment,
only to see it reflect upon your EXACT thoughts.
It almost seems too real.
And i can only silently wish that i could take back everything i said.

I'm sorry if i scared you.
Or if i hurt you with what i said.
Nobody wants to hear those things.
And most definitely not you.

All i know is that
I'm scared too.

"Dogs of Babel" is a really good read.
And the marvels of her words never fail to amaze me.

"Suicide is just a moment.
For just a moment, it doesn't matter that you've got people who love you
and the sun is shining and there's a movie coming out this weekend
that you've been dying to see.
It hits you all of a sudden that nothing is ever going to be okay, ever,
and you kind of dare yourself: Is this it?
You start thinking that you've known this was coming all along,
but you don't know if today's going to be the day.
And if you think about it too much, it's probably not.
But you dare yourself.
You pick up a knife and press it gently to your skin,
you look out a nineteenth-story window and you think,
i could just do it. I could just do it.
And most of the time, you look at the height and you get scared,
or you think about the other people at the sidewalk below -
what if there are kids coming home from school
and they have to spend the rest of their lives trying to forget
this terrible thing you are going to make them see?
And the moment is over.
You think about how sad it would've been
if you never got to see that movie,
and you look at your dog
and wonder who would've taken care of her if you had gone.
And you go back to normal.
But you keep it there in your mind.
Even if you never take yourself up on it,
it gives you a kind of comfort to know that the day is yours to choose.
You tuck it away in your brain like sour candy tucked in your cheek,
and the pukering memory it leaves behind,
the rough pleasure of running your tongue over it's strange terrain,
is exactly the same."

Ok despite the subject matter,
which i assure you is not one of mine right this moment,
although i am sure every single person reading this has gone through such,
this is what i call brilliant writing.
Nothing complex.
Simple, succinct.

Like what everything ought to be.

she spoke at
7:57 PM

(work aside...peaks ahead)

One book down, another to go.

Just a note, American Gods wasn't too shabby.
Old Gods vs New Gods? Interesting perspective.

Anyway, for my geeky friends out there,
Just started on a new book that has been said to be next "The Lovely Bones"
(yes Marc, i know you loved that book)
And if that's not good enough a reason to read it.
I honestly don't know what is.

Came across a review online:

Where The Lovely Bones used a sledgehammer to get its point across,
The Dogs of Babel is as precise as a razor blade.
While The Lovely Bones attempted to soothe mourners
with cheap, cloying sentimentality,
The Dogs of Babel gets to the real heart of grief.
There is no loved one looking down from heaven,
no reassurances that we will all meet again in the afterlife.
There is simply a man and the empty half of his bed.

That got you yet?
Anyway i will reserve final judgment till i finish the book.
(Mostest: i wanna read your so-called 'holding the man' book!)

Honestly, having come as far as half the book,
i can only admire the relationship between the 2 mains.
Makes you wonder if that is actually possible.
Just maybe.

Anyway something interesting from the book...

"It's true isn't it, that each of us has two hearts?
The secret heart, curled up behind a fist, living gnarled
and shrunken beneath the plain, open one we use every day...
It's not the content of our dreams
that gives our second heart its dark color;
it's the thoughts that go through our heads
in those wakeful moments when sleep won't come.
And those are the things we never tell anyone at all."

So far so good.
And it's been too long since i read a really awesome book.

(and you learn that waking up early for a heartwarming breakfast is a good thing)
Thanks for always being a mountain.
I honestly don't know what i'd do without you, my mostest.

(and you learn that it is exhausting to do things that are unneccessary)
And i'll stand my ground.
Just in case you ever run away.

(and you know that long walks at 11pm still works wonder)
Nothing but you & fabrication of thoughts.
Of possibilities & the comfort of silence.

(and you will be there someday)
Just not today.

(and you wonder about what is it you really want)
You've got to stop.
On days you want to pull your hair out.
F*** the contradictions.

(you, you read me like a book and i thank you for that)

she spoke at
12:28 PM

And once again you admire that patience.

(just at the same time it repulses you)

Then there the silence that comforts

(but also reeks of emptiness)

she spoke at
11:51 AM

Monday, July 16, 2007

almost at the end of today's meeting
(yes al...macs is now our fav haunt)

(the familiar sounds of 'makes me wonder' plays in the background)

and it read: "Wheee! Finish already? =)"

And there you go...5 mins later...
a yummy ice-cream strawberry cupcake w fizzy whipped cream!
(got a little too excited and kinda forgot to take a picture)

so there - my 'un-whipped' naked cupcake.

Thank you! *grins*
For making the day a lil' less crappy.
*squish*

she spoke at
11:59 PM

about the idea of over-dependency.
In more ways than one.
The idea of having to be the only one in constant motion.
Alongside the inabilities, the silent expectations the subtelty of disappointments.

And in this moment i just need a bed.
To lie down.
Think of nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

It's been awhile since i've gotten a text poetry.
And i realise it's nice to still get one from time to time.

I wonder why...
The feelings.
Of going fast.
Of running straight off into a world of the unknown.
Not seeing the paths ahead...
And never sure of the road i've traveled to get there.
How do we see the moment...
When the one to be is always so close.
A reminder of the fleeting.
It's alot like a memory...
Lost on the tip of a freshly scented day of some day.
A dream...
Or not.
Why the fall...
When it's alot like flight.

On a lighter note...
Red Tide has finalised the team line-up!
(welcome back shuz and #1)
And scored themselves a new coach.
(we feel so loved)
Felt kinda shitty with myself though.
Ah...but that is that.

This is 10% luck, 20% skill
15% concentrated power of will
5% pleasure 50% pain
And a 100% reason to remember the name!

Go girls!!!
6 more Sundays.

she spoke at
3:06 PM

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I've come to realise that i really miss A.D.R.E.N.A.L.I.N.E.
That sudden rush.
The crazy feeling of losing control.
And in that very split second,
your life hangs by but a mere thread.

The last form of mild adrenaline i got was from a short Go-Kart escapade.
Yup! That's me right there. Speeding like nobody's business.
After which i got a "i am not going to let you drive my car."
Oh come on...haha.

The Reckless Champ.

I need a little more.

Spin me spin me spin me away.

It's also funny how MSN emoticon shortcuts can translate into real life emotions.

Got a message from a friend saying milk>

LOL!

And in case you were wondering, it a rabbit hugging a bottle of milk,

which we use very affectionately.

In the meantime...the favourite song of the moment has moved,

from the likes "you don't wear my chainssss...."

(yes. Boston. Bloody hell the lead singer is HOT!)

to a brilliant track (i say so!) by Josh Kelley.

"Almost Honest"

Speaking of which, aren't we all?

So in the meantime

You'll be resting on my mind

For the last time

I will leave myself behind

In the evening

Raise a glass and tell some lies

Make a pass, impress another girl,

She was easy on the eyes

She was easy

And so was I

My reflection

In the window when I ride for Chicago

She is on the other side

Take a picture

Write a letter to my love

Well I was almost honest

I was almost honest

Been a long time

Since I've laid with you in bed

Conversations, full of words you never said

I got your message

But I didn't hear the ringing bell

I gave into the loneliness

But I didn't give them nothing else

Which direction

Down this highway that I ride to Atlanta

She is on the other side

Take a picture

Write a letter to my love

I was almost honest

Well, I was almost honest

Yeah, Oh oh oh Hmmmmm

My reflection

In the window when I ride

Could not save us

But I swear to God I tried

Take a picture

Write a letter to my love

I was almost honest

But I was almost honest

Cause I was almost honest

L WORD 4 TOMORROW!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

And the silent afterthoughts.

she spoke at
5:17 PM

Friday, July 06, 2007

So i haven't been regularly updating my blog.
What's been up you ask?
Nothing much really.
Just that i have newfound respect of all construction workers
simply because it is so tough to build a house!

For those who were not in the loop,
I was at Batam for a short volunteer 'build-a-house' trip with Habitat.
As pictures paint a thousand words, here goes...

TRANSFORMER IS AWESOME SHIT!

don't you just love that yellow chevy? 'Baby don't go...'

Thanks to an awesome colleague (who's also my self-proclaimed OGF)
i was at the WOMAD 2007 press conference yesterday.
Fantastic food (thanks to Timbre!), FREE BEER (wooooo hoooo!),
free wine, free coke light, free CD, promo discs, what more can you ask for!
And a short shopping spree @ Bugis street lead to an impulsive purchase.
Yes. I got a DRESSSSSSSS. *winks*
Now i'd have something decent to wear to Dhoom's wedding.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Oh...and to my dear friend who's flying to Bali early tmr morning.
Have tons of fun! And take more pictures! (of the BOTH of you please!)

Then there's hopes of planning a short getaway.
*crosses fingers & toes & all things crossable*

To soak up the sun,
To swim with the fishes
To relax on the deck chairs,
To feel the gentle breeze
To stroll by the beach,
To dine by the sea
And to fall into a soft bed,
with you by my side.
As i whisper tender words into your ears,
and watch you fall sweetly into slumber.

I am such a lamer.
Hopeless one at that.

she spoke at
12:17 PM