Thanks to you today.
-huggle-
And to everyone in need of a hug.
Put your right arm over your left and try to reach your back.
There you go.
-huggle-

And herein lies the lyrical genuis of Jay.
A fantastic song to plug in to when,
taking the longer route home.
You'll say...

白色的风筝
安静的床枕
沉睡的感觉
梦见那遥远

天边的海水
复杂的眼泪
看你傻笑着
握住我的手

梦希望没有尽头
我们走到这就好
因为我不想太快走完这幸福
很可惜没有祝福
但爱你并不孤独
不会再让你哭

我陪你走到最后
能不能不要回头
你静静的抱住我
说你不需要承诺
你说我若一个人会比较自由
我不懂你说什么
反正不会松手

我陪你走到最后
能不能别想太多
会不会手牵着手
晚一点才到尽头
你说不该再相见
只为了瞬间
谢谢你让我听见
因为我在等待永远

It's been a rough 2 weeks at work.
Tons of things to clear and fatigue from yst's race isn't quite helping.
But it's always great to come back to a familiar voice.
And sweetly dwelling in moments of reminisence.
Then falling asleep once again.
(you're the only person since then whose voice i hear every morning & every night)
That really made my day.
And i hope it made yours.

You've come to realise that all that matters.
It's the here and now. The person and not the idea.
And it took only a sentence from you to get me there.
Thanks mostest :)

she spoke at
9:22 PM

So here i am.
Working @ Starbucks on a saturday night.
Too many events.
Too much work to be done.
But then again...
Work ain't half bad.
And i have become a self-confessed workaholic.
Just like the dad @ home.
Not a bad thing i suppose.
@ least you know that you can take a lil' beating in life.

Interestingly,
I became a psychological subject for a colleague's research paper.
"you are a planner" she says
Am i really?
Maybe that's why i'm living on a schedule.
Kinda sucks really, to be slotting things all over the place.
But then it all boils down to a matter of priority.
And you learn as you go along the important things in life.

Realising that when you are willing to do anything,
that you have fallen far enough.

she spoke at
12:41 AM

What do you call a fool who misses a fool?
A fool's fool.

Crazy month looms ahead.
And who in the world was complaining that there was nothing much to do?
Cheeeeeeeee Booooooooooot.
(Doing work at 1.19am)

I have an insane urge to run.
(in pain)
And someone will look me in the eye and say
"I told you so"
Urgh! I am SO dreading monday.

But then again...
when monday comes, wednesday draws near.
YAY!!!

she spoke at
1:01 AM

As IRIS counts down the next bus arrival,
I decided to blog.

And then i realise that i have nothing to say.

A strange familiar feeling.

she spoke at
8:12 PM

Nothing worth having is easy.
And the truth is right there in your face.

Somethings
you just can't do without.

It's been rough.
Rough for you. And you. And you. And you.
And perhaps you too.
No one said it's going to be easy.
Neither will anything change the way things turned out or already are.
Nothing anyone can say or do.
Helplessness.
Much as they all use the great cliche.
Time.
The only given reason we're all still here.

You.
The idea of it all.
It overwhelms.
In transcendence.
Soft silences. Long pauses.
Gentle touches.
Beating hearts.
The beauty of it all.
Without a word, rhyme or reason.
Me.

I love my long bus rides.

Somethings should never been said.
Why do you need to say it after so long?
Think about it.
You are f***ed up.
I don't like you very much.

Purely baised.

And the random chancing upon a Fort Minor track.

Slip out the Back

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so I could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, I'm trying not to be worthless
Since I last saw you I been looking for a purpose
Well I met this kid who thought like I did
He had a weird way of looking at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I don't remember where I met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was just too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed about fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck
becauseI don't need to tell you that life isn't fair,
it doesn't careIt arbitrarily cuts off your air,
and like you I want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when I'm saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I'm no hero, you remember how I was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
I'm spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how I hoped it would be
But I had to protect you from me

Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasn't fair
I didn't want to be around just to bring you down
I'm not a hero but don't think I didn't care

Mike the lyricist.
Brilliance.

In a state of insomnia.

Learning to rest.
Learning to breathe a little more.

she spoke at
12:20 AM

Ah what the heck.
It's been a heavy-hearted week.

Everything just seems to be going on rough patches.

It's all these tough shit that happens out of nowhere.
That catches you off guard.
For some...you know what is making you this way.
For others...it's just no rhyme or reason.

Whichever is worse?

And all i want to do is to tell you that
everything will be alright.
There is a part of me that doesn't quite know what to say
nor the right thing to do.
But then again...
sometimes the best thing to do is silence.
And just being there.

Can i do that for you?

And i still can't quite explain.
the staggering feeling of a constant fatigue.
Why does something feel wrong
when nothing really is?

Is there an innate need for you to need to live in chaos?
Is stability too ordinary for you?

Slow down. Stop.

Don't stop.

she spoke at
12:19 PM

"Your emotions are all over the place"
Really?

I have absolutely no idea what is going on.
But i know that it is me.
And it has nothing to do with you.
Or rather not a direct causation of your very nature.

I wonder why i am having so many private posts.
But i guess it's because i love you so much that i don't want to hurt you.
It's the only reason i know how.

I love you.
I do.
I still do.

And that is all that matters.

she spoke at
4:22 PM

As you lay by her side,
listening to the rhythm of a peaceful snore,
You know.
That she is rested,
in her world of rainbows & butterflies.

And you,
You lay awake staring into the silence of the night,
listening to everything around you.
You feel, you sense, you almost taste,
the sweet vileness of a barren land.

What do you seek?
What do you want?
Where do you go?

To spread your wings and soar into the darken skies?
Or to stroll by the beach, to watch the sunset?

You are perfection.

I am your vice, your demise, your shadow.
For my imperfection warps my vision,
and evokes your uncertainties.

You don't know.
It's not your fault.

You chose to love me.
But i didn't choose to love me.
It seems like all i want to be is an entity of emptiness,
a slave to time,
and eventually, just an expression of freedom,
balls and chains personified.

I am not free.
With or without you.
I haven't freed myself.

If loving me comes so easy for you,
then tell me why loving you doesn't feel like how it should?

Simple.

I complicate things.
I want you yet i often push you away.

I am perhaps nothing but a passerby who stumbled into your backyard,
just because you had a cute little garden.
Maybe i willl grow tired.
Maybe i won't stay.
Maybe,
Just maybe.

Till then, i will continue to walk with you,
in hopes that i will be by your side.
Don't let there come a day where i will fall too far behind,
and if you don't realise,
you may one day turn around to find that,
i am no longer,

There.

she spoke at
9:22 AM

Are you already sick & tired.
Of how weak i actually am?

That i constantly walk in shadows.

My nature is insanely warped.
I care too much.
And i let things make me feel so small.
Am i useless?

And you having to live up to the consequence of my actions?
Am i even being fair to you?

she spoke at
4:06 PM