Ever felt torn apart by promises or the mere notion of it?

Sometimes, being an idealist doesn't help you realise that things do change. The river is in constant flow and you can never step into the same spot twice. But yet, there is always the fallacy of wanting to make everything happen. "Promising" that things are possible when sometimes, they are indeed beyond your means to do so.

I reckon that ever since my entry into canoe polo...there are alot of things i have to give up. I love the game mind you. I really do. And then there is also what i use to do. Rovers. Uh huh. Now that i have committed myself to play for the team, there is less chance that i can help out. Just like how i realise that i made an agreement too quickly to help out in one of the trips...before realising i got the dat messed up. Damn. And since competition's round the corner, every training is precious. Ah well...someone said no one will blame me. But there is the inherent need in me to always want the easy way out. The way where no one will get hurt, or in this case lose. But life is never a win-win situation. For if it is...then why all the gloom and the cloudy days?

I guess the stormy days and the pain of losing one thing over another simply shows you how choices are inevitable in life. And what you choose could affect you in a million ways. So choose wisely. But who is to say that we are wise. We can't even be rational and emotionally self aware sometimes. Such an irony.

Once again.
I don't need to hear what you have to say.
I worry.
But i can't do anything can i?
Or can i?

**If life was a slice of strawberry cake**
Which would you eat first?
The cake?
Or the berry?

Just thinking.

she spoke at
1:11 AM