I am sitting in the chair,
writhing in agony.
A demon, a minor demon,
is pinning me there
fucking with my head.
Abraxas he says.
I am Abraxas, the demon of lies and deceit.
So what do you want to know about lies my dear?
I'm not a liar.
I try again to get up but this time i'm flayed splayed
I feel myself screaming.
I'll tell you about lies.
There are white lies, black lies and many shades of grey lies.
Some lies are justified, lies told out of kindness,
lies that preserves dignity, lies that spare pain.
Everybody's a liar dear.

We are all liars.

---------------------------------------------------------

Had a very funny moment a few days back...

(In train on way home after looking frantically for office wear for someone's stay in prison this hols)
Me: I wanna eat buffet!!!
Candice: Actually buffet cheat money one. You eat more to make your money worth but actually you don't have to eat so much
Me: *whines* Can you don't rationalize buffets???

Lol. Its funnier if u know the internal joke. Ah well...girl...i only see u during the exam period. How sad is that? But better than nothing lah eh? ^_^

Exams are close to over. *heaves a sigh of relief* The whole month of March and April has been hell. Non-stop assignments and projects. Just re-read some of my entries and boy were they ALL about school. One more paper to go *heaves another sigh of relief* and then its a looooonnnng break. Time to head back to polo. Been out for almost 1 mth. Its been that long. Last polo training was during assignment mad-rush week in March i think. National selections this sunday. Man...*keeps fingers and toes crossed for those who are going to make a run for it*

Was all the way in east coast on sat evening for Ruzi's bday chalet. Everyon in my batch is turning 21 this year. Yeah Kim...u're right...we'll never feel like we've attended so many parties in our lives after this. Heh. Anyway haven't seen ruz in ages. Ok. To be honest i haven seen any of the JC ppl in ages altho we go to the same school. How sad is that eh? (Come to think of it...i don't see alot of ppl alot. Sheri...heh. Finally eh?) Interestingly ML and i were the only chinese there. Oh yeah and there were a couple of guys in chalet next to hers - dancing. Man. So damn AA. Not to mention that one of them really looked super gay. Ok. No offense but its irky when you know that they purposely left the curtains half-opened. What the hell. Ok. I admit one of the guys is actually quick slick. But i shall overlook that due to shameless AA tactics. -_- That was pig out day. Dim sum in morn...free pizze in noon and BBQ at night. *guilt* Guess its just a way of compensating for my lack of intake for the past 2 weeks. Bleh.

Oh and guess wad? Its church going for me again today. Dad seems really interested in the whole christianity thingy. *shrugs* Maybe its that time of his life where he has to validate the purpose of life and stuff. Well...i am open to it. Just that it really isn't the right time for me to embrace any forms of religion right now. Hmmm. Let's just say that i am happy for him and mom. And i came to realize that the bulidings in Singapore are actually quite gorgeous. Ok. I'm just talking about that buiding next to bugis junction. WOW. Damn chio!!! The architecture...the bronze statues...the sculptures...man...the epitome of grandeur.

Just found out that 2 of the guys from the latest everest expedition team were ex-rovers committee members (hence the regular email updates) so fantastic. Bings: I'm sure that you will be able to work towards your dreams. Jia you! Imagine the sheer bliss of being (literally) at the top of the world...WOW...but i guess this is something not everyone can understand. Short-term goal: Mt.Kilimanjaro (wherever i may be)

Back to studies. 20% of it.

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts
And the pain attached to them
Sometimes i wonder why this is happening
Its like nothing i can do will distract me when
I think of how i shot myself in the back again
'Cause from the infinite words i could say
I put all the pain you gave to me on display
But didn't i realize that instead of setting it free
I took what i hated and made it a part of me

[It never goes away]

Hearing your name
The memories come back again
I remember when it started happening
I'd see you in every thought i had and then
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them
And i knew as they escaped away
I was committing myself to them
And everyday i regret saying those things
'Cause now i see that i took what i hated
And made it a part of me

"Figure.09" - Linkin Park

Now i know the reason for my love for Linkin Park. It is a clear reflection of alot of things. I love them. I really do.

It's easier to run.

she spoke at
2:45 AM