HELLO again everyone!!! It's 2006!
Right...this might be a lil late but who cares! Ha.

The new year always seem to mark a time where you start to reflect on the happenings of the past year. Call it a yearly review or plain horseshit but i'm gonna try and do it anyway. Not a usual fan of penning such entries. But well...there's always a first to everything!!! Ha.

Crazy things i've (learnt/done/said/felt) in 2005

It was a pretty kickass start to the new year of 2005 when email confrontations during festive season serves to be a real pain that dampens everything that could have been merry. Yeah sure...it forces the skeletons out of your closet. But also know that the truth is awfully painful. Yet again. You know that having faith and hanging on to what you think is worth will eventually make things better. It has. Although there are still ups and downs. Keeping each other in the heart no matter what happens IS the most important thing of all.

And speaking of pain, 2005 was an injury-prone year.
Busted knee.
Strained wrist.
Chronic backache.
Abdomen contusion.
All for the lack of will and intellect to stop when enough is enough.

You realize that trying too hard is a formula for 99.9% failure.
Trying to live up to expectations and avoiding disppointments will result in nothing but pent up anger, fatigue and a road that leads to nowhere.
You see that in trying to make people happy, you hurt them more when they see you trying too hard.
And things always go wrong when you try to hard.

Hence...learning to say NO was the greatest lesson ever learnt.

On the contrary, perseverence is a virtue.
For polo...
I had the privilege to play with the most awesome team ever.
Every stroke is desperation.
Every ball is ours.
That motto is ours to keep.
And our name will resound in the distant memories of a near future.
A chance was bestowed upon us in an SP game.
We played it during nationals.
And it was perfect.
It took me a year to learn how to shoot the right way.
I finally saw light during a training camp that proved to be a significant turning point of a very bad 1st half of the year.
I also learnt that first impressions can be so wrong.
And advices from whom you care about can make you so strong.

Patience can also make a seemingly impossible friendship pull through.
Although it took 5 years.
It was well worth.
Some other friendship were forged in a few months.
But moving on too quickly proved to be a mess.

1st half of the year was bad.
So bad.
Didn't know that losing something from a special person can affect you so bad.
And moving the home to a foreign place is such a major decision.
Too much haste.
Thankfully nothing has been concrete.
Really hoping we won't end up on streets.
But thank god someone was there to hug you to sleep.
During the period of an emotional void.
Probably the best feeling you can ever get.
So comforting on top of all the problems already in your head.

School was great in the second half.
Although i got my 1st C+.
First half of the year i spent busying myself feeling bad.
She was doing all the work and i felt so helpless just watching her slog through the nights just to get us a good grade.
It was painful to watch.
But i'm sure we had fun.

Started to work in the second half.
And managed time well.
Finances and emotions.
And everything else.

Life was never since then - a fullstop.

So 2005 was a physical, mental and emotional roller coaster ride.

It's scary how you can sometime tread on the very fine line between sanity and otherwise.
It's freaky how you can cry so hard you start trembling.
You wail in desperation for someone to pull you out of an emotional blackhole.
When it takes a toil on you, it really doesn't let go.
I finally broke in july 2005.
I cried for 2 whole hours i thought i was mad.
Locked myself up in the loo.
And there was nothing mom and dad could do.
It was liberating nonetheless.
All that was bad finally came to a rest.

You also learn that...

Old flames do come back to haunt you.
And platonic relationships does not exist.
Playing with fire will get you burnt.
And there will be a time where you can no longer see the line that draws between reality and lies.
It is possible to fall for 2 person at the same time.
But whether or not those feelings are true is another thing altogether.
You often mistake physicality for something speical.
Don't we all?
Seeing too much of someone will also make you sway.
But not seeing anyone is not a solution either.
Silence will make you regret sometimes but time heals everything.
Sometimes you are better off friends.
Soulmates do exist.
And you can never fend off chemistry.
It's a mysterious force that f***s with your heart and screws with your mind.
But it could lead to what we mere mortals know as bliss.

Watching all your loved ones leave with a significant other is a bundle of mixed emotions.
The supertitious you chooses to believe that bad karma is unavoidable.

But then...
I saw how much they all still cared.
And how much i love them too.

This year i've witnessed some of the best birthdays ever.
And i've also experienced one myself.

A parent's love is really unconditional.
But sometimes they can get so irrational.
The past will come back to slap you in the face.
And i know that i am bias when i try to protect her from harm.

I don't know why i'm trying to rhyme.
Must have been all the great books i've read this year.
It's amazing what they can teach you.
And the advices they give.

Read.
Listen to your heart.
Learn to say NO.
Know that they care.
And show them you do.
Club.
It's good therapy.
Guys are great pals.

I shall leave you with a little something from The L Word 2. An excerpt of a dialogue that i really adore. And of course it has to come from my favourite character in the show. For more reasons than just her good looks.
Shane: It's been 16 years since my last confession.
Priest: And what brought you here tonight?
Shane: Everyone wants something from me and i don't think i feel like i have anymore to give.
(a load of other dialogues)
Shane: The thing i like about confession is you don't have to see the other person's face. And you don't have to see how hurt they are when they realize that you can't be that thing that they want you to be,
Priest: You might find that there are people who don't want anything from you. They just want to know you.

Those are the best advice from 2005.

So here's the start to a brand new year!
Let's kick some ass!!!

she spoke at
1:22 AM